All the King's Horses The ground beneath the wall was a chaos of shattered shell, splattered yolk, and drenching albumen.
Another Fake News Hoax The fake news guys are at it again, trying to foist their pseudoscience off on us.  You need to listen to Alex so you don't get taken in.
Ass Backwards Once upon a time, not so very long ago, in a kingdom not so very far away, there was a kingdom called Asslovia, where people really loved their asses.
Extraordinary Evidence It was the same old argument.  Extraterrestrial life.  Intelligent extraterrestrial life.
Fastest-Growing Cities Pompeii-Herculaneum supports a thriving agriculture and provides a panoramic view of scenic Mount Vesuvius!
A Fox for Every Henhouse As I write, a reddish-orange quadruped with a fluffy tail is sitting on its haunches and watching me through the window.  This is the new Guardian that the new Farmer has appointed to protect our house.  I am appalled and terrified!  I do not know why the Farmer would appoint such a creature to such a position of power over his vulnerable subjects, but I call on you, as our representative, to block this appointment.  I am assured that writing to one's duly elected representatives is the sure-fire way to air grievances and redress wrongs.  I am sure that is true.
The GFMA Replaces the ACA At long last, "Obamacare," aka the ACA, has been repealed and replaced by a genius Republican health care law, the GMFA.
Give the Guy a Break Ok, so maybe he isn't the best person to lead the country.  He wasn't my first choice, either.  But it's over.  He won. Time to get over it.  And cut the guy a little slack.  He has some good points.
Half Staff  I asked Jonny first, cause he's my best friend, and I thought he might know.
How I Wound Up in Hell I may not have led an exemplary life, but I never did anything signally bad.  So when that tunnel opened up, it was with some confidence that I went, as the common wisdom advises, for the light.  Only, what I found there was not what I expected.
Hunting the Lummox "Mr. President, is it true that you're thinking of lifting the ban on hunting lummox?"
The Man Who Kept Crying Wolf The story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf is well known.  Shepherd kid cries wolf. Villagers come to help.  No wolf.  Kid does it again.  Same result.  Wolf comes, kid cries, no villagers, wolf eats sheep.  And maybe kid, too.  We-e-ell, that's not exactly what happened ...
The March Against Kashrut I'm joining the March Against Kashrut, and you should, too. In case you didn't know, kashrut is a foreign, unchristian legal system that threatens our way of life, our system of life, and even our very existence.  It is practiced by a people of foreign origin, foreign culture, and heterodox belief.  There are over seven million practitioners living among us, right under our noses.
The People of the Paper Once upon a time, a bunch of people decided to live together, rather than individually.  It seemed like a good idea because not everyone was a good hunter, and not everyone was a good farmer, and not everyone was a good weaver, and not everyone was a good fry cook, and not everyone was a good plumber.  And sex was darned inconvenient.
Poison Pork "Are you the head cafeteria lady at Poppins Elementary?"
Refugees The Mexican Wall came down today.  That's what they say, anyway.  Now there's nothing to prevent the unwashed hordes from teeming into the civilized world.  Criminals, drug dealers, rapists.  And terrorists.  Maybe a few good people.  There goes civilization as we know it, and the authorities can't seem to do anything about it.  I guess it was inevitable.  I guess the camps were inevitable.
Smart Badge, Dumb Badge I'm here to get my new Smart Badge for BFD.  My employer, the Big Federal Department, has decreed that all employees must exchange their old Dumb Badges for spanking new Smart Badges, so here I am to make the exchange.  But ...
Trump Beats FDR in 1932 "It has been reported that Mr. Hitler's tanks swerved into Poland, but this has been going on for a long time over there."
Wonder of the World "This is the only man-made structure visible from space," the guide said.
The Word This is a special report.  The Worst Word in the World has escaped from a comedian's mouth and is currently wreaking havoc on the innocent, unprotected ears and eyes of the populace.  Everyone is advised to seek shelter immediately and keep eyes and ears covered.  Understand that this Word is so dangerous that it cannot be repeated, written, or reproduced in any way, lest it cause mayhem, massive injury, death, or severe embarrassment. Therefore, it will henceforward be referred to by its code name WWW.