Ass Backwards

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, in a kingdom not so very far away, there was a kingdom called Asslovia, where people really loved their asses.

Asslovia was a mostly rural kingdom, and what they loved about their asses was the asses' ability to do farm work ... pulling plows and hauling loads and all that. A farm without an ass was a farm in arrears. Or very likely. At the very least it was a farm at a competitive disadvantage compared to its fellows. And so it was that the ass became a revered icon of Asslovia.

One day, a new king ascended to the throne of Asslovia, promising to make the nation great again. Now, whether the nation had ever been great before, or whether it was in fact great already, were debatable questions that the new king ignored completely. He was determined to make Asslovia great again by despoiling it of its wealth and reapportioning that among his minions. This he proceeded to do forthwith. At harvest time, the minions went forth among the people and returned with the bulk of their harvests.

Not all of the citizens of Asslovia took kindly to the king's depredations. Actually, none of the citizens of Asslovia took kindly to the king's depredations, but most of them had no idea what to do about them. But one farmer had an idea of how to express his displeasure. He took his ass out of harness, put it in the barn, and stopped working his farm.

"Look," he said, "if I'm only growing crops to support the king and his minions, what's the point? A government is supposed to exist for its people, not the other way round."

Soon, another farmer followed the first one's example. Then another. And another. It wasn't long before the king took notice.

The king took notice. He saw the problem. He analyzed the problem. He recognized the root of the problem. He decided to grasp it with both hands and pull it out! He leapt onto Twitter and started typing ...

"Some traitorous farmers are disrespecting their asses!" typed the king. "The sacrosanct, holy, inviolable ass! The very symbol of Asslovia! That's what this is about! #Ass desecration!"

"Taking an ass out of harness is an insult to our country and to our asses! Root out the traitors! #Respect Our Asses!"

"An idle ass is a disrespected ass! Patriotic Asslovians love their asses! #Ass Love in Asslovia!"

And several hundred more in this vein.

And the people of Asslovia rallied to their asses, chiding and chastising the traitorous ass-disrespectors. And the nation was made great again, despite some feeble objections that the larcenous king had things exactly #Ass Backwards.

Let us once again be thankful that we live in an enlightened nation that would never fall for such cynical trickery.