copyright © 2017
by Robert L. Blau
This is a special report. The Worst Word in the World
has escaped from a comedian's mouth and is currently wreaking havoc on
the innocent, unprotected ears and eyes of the populace. Everyone
is advised to seek shelter immediately and keep eyes and ears covered.
Understand that this Word is so dangerous that it cannot be
repeated, written, or reproduced in any way, lest it cause mayhem,
massive injury, death, or severe embarrassment. Therefore, it
will henceforward be referred to by its code name WWW.
For an authoritative analysis of the WWW, we interviewed the world's
leading authority on words, philologist Dr. Sigmund Tawkinhed.
The transcript of that interview follows ...
Us: Dr. Tawkinhed, is %@##&^ really dangerous?
Dr. T: Careful, zere, you! You almost pronounced it!
Zen you would have to be drawn, quartered, eighthed, and
sixteenthed! WWW, if you please! Yes, it is ze most
dangerous word in ze world!
Us: Ah, I'm glad to see you are keeping the foreign-expert accent
down to manageable levels! So, is the WWW a word whose danger
depends on its usage? For example, George Carlin said, "You can
prick your finger, but you ca-a-an't finger your prick!" Is it
that kind of word?
Dr. T: Oh, absolutely not! You can never say zis word, ever!
Us: Then, to stay with Carlin, is it one of the seven words you
can never say on television?
Dr. T: Oh, no no no no no! None of zose! Zose all
have to do with ze bodily funtions humans are so ashamed of, eizer sex
or elimination. No no no. Ze WWW is a literally toxic word.
Us: I'm not sure I follow. I'm thinking the WWW must be a
word used to demean a person or a group of people.
Dr. T: No, you still don't get it. Meaning, context, and
intention have nosing to do wis it! It's ze actual sound of ze word zat causes deas
and destruction. Zat, or ze collection of letters seen on ze
screen or ze page. It's like verbal curare.
Us: But doesn't the brain enter into this somewhere?
Dr. T: Evidently not.
There you have it. The WWW is spreading wildly, and brains are
not involved.