The Word
copyright © 2017 by Robert L. Blau

This is a special report.  The Worst Word in the World has escaped from a comedian's mouth and is currently wreaking havoc on the innocent, unprotected ears and eyes of the populace.  Everyone is advised to seek shelter immediately and keep eyes and ears covered.  Understand that this Word is so dangerous that it cannot be repeated, written, or reproduced in any way, lest it cause mayhem, massive injury, death, or severe embarrassment.  Therefore, it will henceforward be referred to by its code name WWW.

For an authoritative analysis of the WWW, we interviewed the world's leading authority on words, philologist Dr. Sigmund Tawkinhed.  The transcript of that interview follows ...

Us:  Dr. Tawkinhed, is %@##&^ really dangerous?

Dr. T:  Careful, zere, you!  You almost pronounced it!  Zen you would have to be drawn, quartered, eighthed, and sixteenthed!  WWW, if you please!  Yes, it is ze most dangerous word in ze world!

Us:  Ah, I'm glad to see you are keeping the foreign-expert accent down to manageable levels!  So, is the WWW a word whose danger depends on its usage?  For example, George Carlin said, "You can prick your finger, but you ca-a-an't finger your prick!"  Is it that kind of word?

Dr. T:  Oh, absolutely not!  You can never say zis word, ever!

Us:  Then, to stay with Carlin, is it one of the seven words you can never say on television?

Dr. T:  Oh, no no no no no!  None of zose!  Zose all have to do with ze bodily funtions humans are so ashamed of, eizer sex or elimination.  No no no.  Ze WWW is a literally toxic word.

Us:  I'm not sure I follow.  I'm thinking the WWW must be a word used to demean a person or a group of people.

Dr. T:  No, you still don't get it.  Meaning, context, and intention have nosing to do wis it!  It's ze actual sound of ze word zat causes deas and destruction.  Zat, or ze collection of letters seen on ze screen or ze page.  It's like verbal curare.

Us:  But doesn't the brain enter into this somewhere?

Dr. T:  Evidently not.

There you have it.  The WWW is spreading wildly, and brains are not involved.