The People of the Paper

Once upon a time, a bunch of people decided to live together, rather than individually. It seemed like a good idea because not everyone was a good hunter, and not everyone was a good farmer, and not everyone was a good weaver, and not everyone was a good fry cook, and not everyone was a good plumber. And sex was darned inconvenient.

So they tried the living together experiment, but problems arose immediately. The people discovered that, while they could live together, they couldn't get along with each other. Fighting and bickering were endemic. They fought over everything: land, food, water, partners, business transactions. You name it. They even fought over who named it. And what. The grand experiment just wasn't working out.

Finally, someone had a bright idea. "What if," suggested this person, "we tried to be nice to each other once in a while?" Everyone decided that this was worth a try. (Well, almost everyone. There's always one, you know?) So they tried the nice thing out and found that it worked a lot better.

But there was just this one thing. "Being nice to one another is too nebulous," said the Bright Ones, for there are always a few Bright Ones in any group. "People are going to get confused. If anyone asks us what, exactly, is the basis of our society, a lot of us won't be able to answer coherently, and then the whole thing will come apart. We have to be able to state our fundamental principles coherently." At length. this is what they came up with: "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." And the Bright Ones saw that it was good.

But there was just this one thing. "We have a great credo," said the Bright Ones, "but it can't be official until it is written down. We can preach, 'Do unto others' and so forth, but anyone can reply, 'Oh, yeah? Says who? Show me where it says that!'" So the credo was duly written down, signed, approved, and enshrined. The written credo became known as the Paper, and its adherents became known as the People of the Paper. And the Bright Ones saw that it was good.

But there was just this one thing. "It's not specific enough," said the Bright Ones. "Who are 'others,' for instance? Surely, we shouldn't treat everyone the same? What about Bad People? What about Them? What about people who just aren't the right sort?" So the Paper was amended, and soon grew from one short sentence to 786 pages. And the Bright Ones saw that it was good.

But there was just this one thing. "It's too complicated," said the Bright Ones. "Nobody can understand it. We need a lot of smart people, one might say 'Bright Ones', to interpret it." And so a great structure of Interpeters of the Paper was established. And the Bright Ones saw that it was good.

But there was just this one thing. One day the People of the Paper elected a new leader, and the new leader said, "This is just a piece of paper." And he was right! So he shoved the Paper through a shredder and sent the shreds to the landfill, and no one was exactly clear on what had happened. So they started fighting and bickering again.

The end.