The Man Who Kept Crying Wolf

The story of the Boy Who Cried Wolf is well known. Shepherd kid cries wolf. Villagers come to help. No wolf. Kid does it again. Same result. Wolf comes, kid cries, no villagers, wolf eats sheep. And maybe kid, too. We-e-ell, that's not exactly what happened ...

It's true. After the second wolf call, attendance dropped off precipitately. But what the Boy quickly discovered was that there were always a few. That is, a few villagers showed up for every wolf call and then hung around grousing about how much they hated wolves. So the Boy kept crying wolf at regular intervals and worked up quite a nice little wolf klatsch to wile away the weary afternoons.

And so the Boy grew to manhood, and by then, he had had it up to the gills with sheep. But the wolf klatsch, he felt, had potential. And he had a idea. One day, following a particularly boring shepherding morning, the Man (no longer a Boy) did his usual wolf cry, and the usual wolf-grumblers showed up.

Then the Man said, "It's all their fault, you know."

"What do you mean?" asked one of the wolf-grumblers. "What's whose fault?"

"Why, your problems," replied the Man. "It's the wolves that are causing all your problems."

"What problems?" asked another wolf-grumbler.

"Oh, you know," probed the Man.

"You mean, like why I can't find a job?" asked the first wolf-grumbler.

"Yes!" said the Man. "Exactly!"

"Of course!" gasped the wolf-grumbler, scales falling from his eyes. "That explains everything!"

"Oh, yeah!" cried another wolf-grumbler, catching on. "That's why I can't put food on the table! It's the wolves!"

"Right you are," said the Man.

"And they're why I can't get no respect!" shouted another. "Damn wolves! Takin' away my respect!"

"Now I know why my wife left me!"

"And why I live in a little shit-hole of a place, while they wander around free in the fresh air!"

"And why I have trouble tying my shoes!"

Everyone was catching on now.

"All we have to do to make this village great again," said the Man, "is get rid of the wolves."

"Hear, hear!" cried the wolf-grumblers. "Here's a guy who knows what's what!"

"We'll build a wall to keep out the wolves!" boomed the Man. "And make the wolves pay for it! But the wolves inside the village are the worst! We'll persecute them and throw them all back over the wall, where they came from! And all the wolf-lovers, too!"

"Hurrah, hurrah!" cried the wolf-grumblers.

"A Solomon has come among us!"

"A man's Man!"

"A hero!"

"A demigod!"

"How true! We haven't seen such blatant demigoddery since the guy with the little moustache!"

"Man for mayor!"

"Thank you, thank you," said the Man modestly, "but I think this dodge can carry me farther than that!"

And so it did. Who says, crying wolf doesn't pay?