The Box I am the box.  The one that turns itself off.  Press the button.  You may notice some initial interior Sturm und Drang, but sure as fate, the hand emerges and flicks the switch off.
Constitutional Drive "'Nother huge pile-up on I-35 this morning, Dad."
Defending the Constitution The Anuses had attained a commanding majority in the Body Politic. Their chief opposition, the Brains, trailed by a 2 to 1 margin.  The reason for this is believed to be that everyone has an anus.
Evolutionary Dead Ends: The Vulcan Ostrich The Vulcan Ostrich flourished(?) in the calderas of active volcanoes around the Rim of Fire for a geologic second.  History records the visitations of Three Vulcanologists who attempted to enlighten the species about their precarious existence ...
Genesis of the Rhinos It began with the Pach.  The Pach was ruled by the Trumpeter-in-Chief, whose authority stemmed from his ability to fill the Swamp with eardrum-popping, mind-numbing, meaning-free noise.  Every Pachyderm kneeled to the TIC.  Almost every Pachyderm.
Hoax Good evening.  Welcome to Spot-On Weather. Temperatures will remain seasonal this week, with lows in the mid-30s and and highs in the upper 40s.
How I Made America Great Again They warned me.  Not a good time to be President, they said. Extremism on the Left! Extremism on the Right!  Extremism in the Center!  Corruption in the Supreme Court!  Out-of-control social media! Trans-something-or-other!  Correct pronouns (WTF!)!  Burgeoning cultural cum civil war!
Judicial Riot We are at the United States Supreme Court building to hear Chief Justice Force Hale unveil the long-awaited reforms for that august body.  And the Chief Justice is approaching the podium ...
No Heat Breaks in Hell "So, Mr. Satan, what do you have to say about the recent legislation banning heat breaks in hell?"
Nutria News Some of our readers have reported seeing strange creatures in the vicinity of Lady Bird Lake and have asked us to identify the objects of their sightings.  They have been described as large, ungainly, ugly, and foul-smelling.  What can these creatures be? you ask. Do we have a nest of local Nessies?  Are we in the midst of a Bigfoot event?  Could it be an alien invasion?
The Shooting Report "That was the weather with Johnny Frost.  Thank you, Johnny.  And this is G. Ford Kriepers, along with my colleague Jenn Zee, with today's shooting report.  We've had 3 Knocking at the Wrong Doors, 2 Turning into the Wrong Driveways, only 1 Getting into the Wrong Car, 5 Could You Hold the AR-15 Racket Downs, 2 Chasing the Ball into the Neighbor's Yards, and 327 Road Rages.  All in all, a light week on the fusillade front."
What It's Called The year is ... Oh, about 65 million years ago.  The denizens of the planet are fearful prior to the pending strike of a giant asteroid that will annihilate 75% of the life on earth.