The Shooting Report

"That was the weather with Johnny Frost. Thank you, Johnny. And this is G. Ford Kriepers, along with my colleague Jenn Zee, with today's shooting report. We've had 3 Knocking at the Wrong Doors, 2 Turning into the Wrong Driveways, only 1 Getting into the Wrong Car, 5 Could You Hold the AR-15 Racket Downs, 2 Chasing the Ball into the Neighbor's Yards, and 327 Road Rages. All in all, a light week on the fusillade front."

"Wow! Why so many RRs today, Ford?"

"Well, as you know Jenn, RRs have been popular since the dawn of the Constitutional Carry Era. However, the recent local uptick in we've been experiencing is due to the unprecedented influx of Californians into our fair city. The highways just can't handle the traffic load, and things ... go off."

"Once fair, Ford, once fair. Who do you blame for this unfortunate situation, and can you recommend a solution?"

"Well, the gummint, of course. And the Californians. I recommend thoughts and prayers. A wall at the state line would help, too."

"How about more guns, Ford?"

"Yes, of course. That would be the best solution."

"Are there prosecutions on the horizon for any of today's shootings, Ford?"

"Not a chance, Jenn. Our 'Stand Your Ground' law has all that covered."

"Ah, yes. 'Stand Your Ground,' where 'Get off my lawn!' goes to grow teeth! But I remember one case where a patriot was convicted of murder for standing his ground! What about that?"

"Never you worry about that, Jenn! Our Governuehrer Assoll had that guy's back with a pardon! Sports are up next ... but starting tomorrow, the News Hour will lead with the Shooting Report. All that other stuff, like the economy and foreign stuff and so forth, will get a couple of minutes between weather and sports. Good night, and ... have a tomorrow."