Genesis of the Rhinos
copyright © 2023 by Robert L. Blau

It began with the Pach.  The Pach was ruled by the Trumpeter-in-Chief, whose authority stemmed from his ability to fill the Swamp with eardrum-popping, mind-numbing, meaning-free noise.  Every Pachyderm kneeled to the TIC.  Almost every Pachyderm.

"I'm gonna drain this Swamp!" blared the TIC. "I'm the only one who can!  BLAT! BLAT!! BLAT!!!"

All the Pachyderms held their ears and bowed.  Most of them.

"Er. 'Scuse me, sir," bleated one small Pachyderm timorously. "When are you going to start draining it? Only, it seems like there are more crocs every day since your Lordship ascended to TIC.  Just asking."

"Hush! Hush!" chided the other Pachyderms. "Never question the TIC!  He knows everything and is always right!  Besides, if you piss him off, he'll throw you under the ... some big thing with round rolly things!  That carries creatures from one place to another."

"Did I hear criticism?" bellowed the TIC.  I'm sure I didn't, because everyone knows I'm perfect and everyone loves me.  RIGHT?  
BLAT! BLAT!! BLAT!!!"

"Ow-ow-ow!  Right!" chorused all the Pachyderms. "Absolutely right!" Almost all of them.

"Hey!" roared the TIC. "What's with all those antelopes invading our territory?  Let's go stomp 'em!
BLAT! BLAT!! BLAT!!!"

"Aren't they just antelopes?" ventured the little Pachyderm. "Harmless vegetarians looking for food?"

The TIC drilled the little Pachyderm with a thousand-watt stare.  "I've had just about enough out of you, fella!  
BLAT! BLAT!! BLAT!!!"

All the Pach held their ample ears.

"You're not a real Pachyderm!" continued the TIC. "Real Pachyderms know how to keep their yaps shut, nevre criticize the Trumper-in-Chief, and always do everything he says.  Sure, you have the requisite floppy ears, prehensile trunk, and magnificent tusks, but ... you're only called a Pachyderm.  It's just a ... like, name.  I'm sure there's a word for that, maybe an acronym.  Can't think of it right now.  Anyway, I hereby banish you from the Pach!  Turn in your ears, trunk, and tusks to the quartermaster on your way out.  You can have itty bitty ears and a little nose horn.  Maybe two, if you're good.  But only made of hair!  No bones!  And we'll call you a ... Rhino.  Not sure why.  It just sounds right."

Over the years, other Pachyderms were banished from the Pach, and the herd of Rhinos grew.  To this day, no one can figure out what the name means.