CARP The crayfish were getting really tired of the shenanigans of a particular predatory carp. The fish in question had apparently designated crayfish as its preferred breakfast, lunch, dinner, and snack food, and harried them mercilessly.
Distraction  "This is just a distraction.  We need to be focusing on more important issues."
Dragon at the Table The dragon has got to go, and it's up to me to kill it.  But the question is how?
Evolutionary Dead Ends: The Arborial Human The meeting convened in the old baobab.  The branches were heavy with humans, among them Ook, Eek, Aak, and Eddie.  Ook flicked a glowing butt to the forest floor and lit up another ciggy.  "So what's this all about?" he growled.
Evolutionary Dead Ends: Gorilla sapiens Grandpa was the last of the great silverbacks.  He was the biggest, strongest, toughest, most intimidating, chest-beatin'-est alpha male on the continent.  Right up until that little bastard strolled in and shot him dead with a lightning rod.
Extremophiles My Dear Professor,
I know this is not your area of expertise, but as you have always been my favorite teacher, I wanted you to be the first to share in the remarkable outcomes of my research.  Especially in the astounding discoveries of my recent expedition.
House of Cards Queen of Hearts presiding.
Meanest in the Valley It ain't easy being the Meanest Son of a Bitch in the Valley.  There's always some young gun who's just a little meaner, just a little crazier.  Or just a lot crazier.  But that's why they elected me.  To be the meanest.  So that's my job.
The MSU Method I'm old enough to remember the Bad Old Days, when every new Internet headline brought fresh anguish.  Soaring deficits.  Yet another gun massacre.  Double-digit unemployment.  A collapsing health care system.  A collapsing economy.  A broken education system.  Extreme political polarization. Extreme polar politicization.   A deadlocked, do-nothing Congress.  Terrorism. War. Poverty.  Religious rancor.  Rancorous religion.  Daggers-drawn debate over evolution vs. creationism.  I could go on, but it is to laugh, now, eh?
Neon Genies Oil lamps are passe.  I admit it.  They look like spittoons, and it's been three generations since anyone knew what a spittoon was.  But neon?  Seriously?
Nothin' to Smell Here  The Most Fragrant was a Pile of Shit.  The Most Fragrant was always a Pile of Shit, or had been for decades.  That's because all the candidates for Most Fragrant had been Piles of Shit.  So, while the citizens of Olfactria were very serious about their odors, and came down firmly on the side of fragrance, they never had a choice.  Until this year.
Ol' Boner His name wasn't really "Ol' Boner."  He just looked and behaved like an "Ol' Boner."  Everyone thought so.  Even his mother thought so.  But you can't name your baby "Ol' Boner".  So everyone just called him that.  Even his mother.