Meanest in the Valley

It ain't easy being the Meanest Son of a Bitch in the Valley. There's always some young gun who's just a little meaner, just a little crazier. Or just a lot crazier. But that's why they elected me. To be the meanest. So that's my job.

Hell, they got Eric last month. And anyone would of swore he was the Second Meanest Son of a Bitch in the Valley. But someone was just a little meaner. Course, Eric was a bit too Jewish, but he made up for it in other ways. So they're getting meaner and crazier. But here's the reason they'll never get me. They ain't getting smarter. I'll always have 'em on that.

Here's an example. They want to impeach the Dark One. The Loony Bird's been squawking about that one. Been there, couldn't do that. Couldn't make it stick. We want to be the Meanest Son of a Bitch in the Valley, not the Biggest Horse's Ass in the Valley.

Nah, I got a better idea. Listen to this. We sue the Dark One. Yeah! No one's done that before! The voters will love it, eh? They won't think it's a petty, self-serving, political hatchet job at all! Nothing like impeachment. I will be the Meanest Son of a Bitch in the Valley again, and I won't be the biggest political punchline since the guy with the sexting. It's a slam-dunk!