House of Cards

Queen of Hearts presiding.

"Off with their heads!"

"Point of order, Madame Speaker. Whose heads are you on about having off with?"

"The Chair does not recognize the Jack of Spades. We run a stacked deck here, and he is out of order. Off with his head!"

"I suppose I need to remind you again that you do not possess the power of summary execution, Madame Speaker. I believe you have been spending too much time at the Mad Tea Party."

"Right! Off with his head! And on to business. First order of business: Repeal Impossible Thing Insurance."

"What is the point, Madame Speaker? We've done this 687 times already. The Senate of Cards never passes it, the President would veto it, and it's popular with the people ... or whatever it is that inhabits Wonderland."

"What is his head doing still on his shoulders? I thought I ordered it off! Never mind! We have an election coming up, and we have to fire up our ignorant, bigoted base! All in favor, say 'Off with their heads!' Right! It passes!"

"Madame Speaker, I realize that we are political opponents, but this repeated, pointless posturing bespeaks some particular animus against my Suit. What's going on here?"

"Why does this buffoon still have a functioning noggin? Off with it, I say! This is just the sort of thing you get with a Spade President. It's just not normal. Next item on the agenda: Investigate Alicegate!"

"Ma.dame.Speak.ker! I must protest. Talk about old news. Talk about ancient ruins exhaustively excavated, carbon-dated, computer-analyzed, classified, and archived. Talk about re-processed, multiply masticated, doubly digested, regurgitated, re-digested, excreted sausage-part rejects."

"Off with his head! Why has this Jack who doesn't know jack still got jack on his neck? Alicegate is a major Spade Suit cover-up, I tell you! We have new evidence! We're gonna flip that Rabbit yet! Did I mention that elections are coming up?"

"Really, Madame Speaker. This is low, even for you."

"Off with his head! This is not political at all! I am appointing a quadri-partisan committee to do this investigation. Only 51% Hearts! This will be a completely impartial take-down of the Spade President."