Ol' Boner

His name wasn't really "Ol' Boner." He just looked and behaved like an "Ol' Boner." Everyone thought so. Even his mother thought so. But you can't name your baby "Ol' Boner". So everyone just called him that. Even his mother.

So the Rancher hires Ol' Boner as a crew chief on his fence project.

"Ol' Boner," says the Rancher, "I want you and your boys to help build me a fence to keep my livestock in and the predators out. You'll be working with my Foreman, who has overall responsibility for the project. Think you can do that?"

"No problem," says Ol' Boner.

First day of the project, the Foreman comes to talk to Ol' Boner about the project.

"Ol' Boner," says the Foreman, "I want you and your guys to start digging post holes over here."

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screams Ol' Boner.

"You know, for the fence posts," says the Foreman, thinking that Ol' Boner has misunderstood him, or perhaps had a seizure. "For the fence we're building for the Rancher."

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" re-screams Ol' Boner.

"Um, why not?" asks the Foreman.

"This isn't the right place for fence posts," replies Ol' Boner.

"Well, ok," says the Foreman. "The exact positioning isn't important. I'll leave that to you, of course. Just so the fence goes where the Rancher wants it."

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" howls Ol' Boner.

"Not following you," says the Foreman. "What's your issue with the location of the fence posts?"

"I don't take orders from you," says Ol' Boner. "Cause you're a bad guy."

"Sorry you think that," says the Foreman, "but I don't see what that has to do with building the fence you were hired to build."

The Foreman thinks maybe Ol' Boner doesn't like the digging work. "Tell you what," he says. "If you don't like the digging, how about if your crew takes care of buying supplies?"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" roars Ol' Boner.

"How about placing the posts, after another crew digs the holes?" suggests the Foreman.

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

"Pouring concrete?"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

"Putting up the wire?"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!"

"Look," says the Foreman, "why don't you tell me what you want to contribute to this project?"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screams Ol' Boner. "If I help you build this fence, it's just gonna make you look good!"

"I think it will make everyone look good, if we build the Rancher a good fence," says the Foreman. "And then he'll hire us again when he wants something else done. Whereas, if we don't do what we've been hired to do, we will all look bad, and he won't want us back. So why don't we just co-operate on this job?"

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screams Ol' Boner.

Finally getting the message, the Foreman asks a different crew to start on the post holes. But when they arrive at the site, there are Ol' Boner's guys sprawled all over it, drinking beer.

"Since you're not going to do a lick of work," says the Foreman, "I'm assigning this crew to do the job. Please vacate the premises and let them work."

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screams Ol' Boner. "I was hired to do this, and I ain't lettin' nobody else do it. And I ain't doin' it neither!"

"I have to ask you to stand aside," says the Foreman, "and let honest workers do their jobs."

"NOOOOOOOO!!!!!" screams Ol' Boner. And with that, Ol' Boner's crew fall upon the real workers, contesting every attempt at productive labor with fierce, hand-to-hand combat.

And that's how Ol' Boner came to bring suit against the Foreman. And this was Ol' Boner's complaint: "Y'see, the Rancher hired that guy to build a fence, and he didn't do it! And he exceeded his authority by trying to make me do my job!"