March 3, 2004 - The White House announced today that the missing Iraqi weapons of mass destruction have been found in Alabama.  According to White House spokesman Arty Stonewall, the elusive WMDs were discovered at Anniston Army Depot, thanks to a harmless leak of deadly sarin nerve gas.  When asked how the leak could be simultaneously harmless and deadly, Mr. Stonewall stated, "Saddam and his henchman hid these hideous weapons in ordinary fruit juice cartons and handed them over to Al Qaeda operatives, who smuggled them into the very heart of American democracy, while John Kerry shmoozed with Jane Fonda."
    Asked how sarin gas could be smuggled inside waxed cardboard containers, Mr. Stonewall replied, "This is clear proof of the Saddam - Al Qaeda link."
    Asked to present some evidence of this link, Mr. Stonewall said, "This proves that President Bush was right all along, so everybody just shut up and vote for him this time."
    The March 2 sarin leak was not the first of its kind at Anniston.  There have been almost 900 such incidents since 1982, when the United States began destroying its chemical munitions.  Mr. Stonewall pointed to these findings as evidence that Saddam began hiding his WMDs well in advance of last year's American invasion of Iraq.
    Asked why on earth Saddam would have started doing this 20 years ago, Mr. Stonewall said, "Incontovertible intelligence shows that the WMDs were shipped through Canada.  Canadian denials confirm beyond the shadow of a doubt that they could launch a nuclear strike against the United States within 15 minutes.  The President has called on Canada to renounce its terrorist ties and turn over all of its WMDs immediately or face the consequences on or around November 2."