seaworthy vessel

A Seaworthy Vessel

    Elroy and Hazel had always wanted to go on a Caribbean cruise, but they never seemed to have the time or money. Finally, after 20 years of marriage, they decided to take the plunge. They booked a berth on the Imperial Overlord because all their friends recommended it.
    Before boarding the ship, Elroy and Hazel met the captain. His name was Cap'n George, and he had a parrot on his shoulder. Elroy and Hazel thought that was a little weird.
    "Cap'n George," said Elroy, "can you tell us what the itinerary is going to be?"
    "What's an itinerary?" asked Cap'n George.
    "You know, ... where we're going ... and when?"
    "Goin' to the Caribbean," said Cap'n George.
    "Braaawk!" squawked the parrot. "Caribbean! Caribbean!"
    "Um, could you be a little more specific?" prompted Hazel.
    "No, he just repeats things he hears," said Cap'n George.
    "No, I mean you, Cap'n George," said Hazel.
    "Don't worry about a thing," said Cap'n George. "I'm the captain. I know what I'm doing."
    "Know what I'm doing! Know what I'm doing!" blared the parrot.
    "Elroy," said Hazel, "I don't know about this. Cap'n George doesn't inspire a lot of confidence. Beside, the Imperial Overlord doesn't look very seaworthy. Let's ask some of the other ship captains. There are a couple over there."
    So Elroy and Hazel approached the other ship captains to ask about Cap'n George and his ship. The other captains were named Cap'n Jack and Cap'n Ralph.
    "What can you gentlemen tell us about Cap'n George and the Imperial Overlord?" asked Elroy.
    "They're pretty ok, I guess," said Cap'n Jack.
    "Cap'n George is a dangerous lunatic, and his ship is a bolt bucket that may not get out of the harbor," said Cap'n Ralph.
    "Oh, dear!" said Hazel.
    But the tickets were paid for, and Cap'n Ralph's was only one opinion. So Elroy and Hazel set sail on the Imperial Overlord.
    About one hour out of port, the Imperial Overlord was rocked by a large ... rock. When Elroy and Hazel peered out their porthole, they saw the rock and the large hole it had made in the hull. There were many other large rocks protruding out of the water.
    Elroy and Hazel rushed to find the captain. He was sunbathing on deck.
    "Cap'n George! Cap'n George!" they cried. "We just hit a big rock!"
    "Don't worry," said Cap'n George calmly.
    "Braaawk! Worry! Worry!"
    "But that isn't all," continued Elroy. "There's a big hole in the hull!"
    "It's nothing we can't handle," yawned Cap'n George.
    "Can't handle! Can't handle! Braaaaaawk!"
    "But there are a lot of other rocks ahead!" said Hazel.
    "No problem," said Cap'n George. "We've got to stay the course."
    "Braaawk! Stay the course! Stay the course!"
    "No, no!" protested Hazel. "You have to change course to miss the rocks!"
    "And patch that hole!" added Elroy.
    "What? And look like a wimp?" asked Cap'n George.
    "Wimp!" squawked the parrot. "Wimp!"
    There was a second shock as the ship rammed into another rock. This was followed by another and another, after which the ship proceeded to sink.
    "Where are the lifeboats?" asked Elroy.
    "Lifeboats?" said Cap'n George.

    Elroy and Hazel had been treading water for about two hours.
    "Hazel," said Elroy, "it looks like we're the only survivors. Do you see any other survivors?"
    "Only the parrot," said Hazel.
    The parrot would land on one or another of their heads until the unlucky person who had been chosen as landing pad and rest spot swatted him away.
    "Hazel," said Elroy, "have you noticed those rather large dorsal fins sticking out of the water?"
    "Yes, Elroy, I have," said Hazel. "You don't suppose they're dolphins, do you?"
    "Hmm. Don't reckon," said Elroy. "Have you noticed that they seem to be circling us?"
    "Yes, Elroy, I have," said Hazel. "Sort of a piscine synchronized swimming, wouldn't you say?"
    "Hmm. Yes, I suppose," said Elroy. "Have you noticed that the circle seems to be getting smaller?"
    "Well, yes, Elroy, I have," said Hazel.
    Just then, who should show up in his very own ship but Cap'n Jack.
    "Hi, folks," said Cap'n Jack. "Nice day for a swim. All the same, you're welcome to come aboard, if you like."
    "Come aboard! Come aboard!" squawked the parrot, which had landed on Cap'n Jack's shoulder.
    "Oh, thank God!" sighed Hazel. "Let's go!"
    "Not so fast!" snapped Elroy. "That ship doesn't look much better than the Imperial Overlord. I'm not getting on board that!"
    "Yeah, but it's floating, you see," Hazel pointed out. "As opposed to the other one, which isn't. And something large and fish-shaped just brushed my leg. What would you say that was, Cap'n Jack?"
    "Great White Shark, I'd say," said Cap'n Jack.
    "Braaawk! Shark! Shark!"
    "Well, I'll never forgive this guy for saying that Cap'n George was ok!" said Elroy.
    "Pretty ok, I said," said Cap'n Jack. "Pretty ok, I guess. Just an opinion."
    "I want Cap'n Ralph and his boat," insisted Elroy. "He was right from the start!"
    "But Cap'n Ralph isn't anywhere in sight," protested Hazel.
    "Well, if Cap'n Jack apologizes and admits he was wrong, I might see my way clear to get on his ship," offered Elroy.
    "Not gonna apologize," said Cap'n Jack.
    "Then we're not boarding that ship!" insisted Elroy stubbornly. "Look! He even has the same parrot!"
    "Elroy," said Hazel. "Something just took off my left leg. I want to get on that ship."
    "Well, come to that, I haven't had anything to speak of below the waste for the last 15 minutes," said Elroy, "but this is a matter of principle."