The White House announced early today that it has traded the entire US judiciary for its Iranian counterpart.  The trade is seen as one that will benefit both sides.
    President Bush approved the deal after hearing of the disposition of the Zahra Kazemi case.  Ms. Kazemi, an Iranian-Canadian journalist had died while in Iranian police custody.  The cause of death was originally ruled to be a stroke, but some observers found a fractured skull inconsistent with the usual results of stroke.  An Intelligence Ministry official was then tried for murder and acquitted due to lack of evidence. Although reformist President Mohammad Khatami stated that the Intelligence Ministry was ready and able to name the real murderer, the Iranian judiciary declined the offer with threats.  Since there was only one suspect, and he was not guilty, the judiciary concluded that Ms. Kazemi could not have been murdered, and that anyone who said otherwise was obviously a troublemaker.  Therefore, Ms. Kazemi's death could only have been an accident.  She must have fainted and beaten herself to death in a fall.
    "Now, that," said President Bush , "is the kind of courageous, creative judiciating we need in this country!  Whoops!  Not creative.  Conservative.  Nonactivist.  Definitely not creative!  Now we'll see whether those lousy terrorists have access to the courts!"
    The new US Supreme Court has already ruled that detainees allegedly tortured by US agents accidentally fell on the teeth of dormant attack dogs and periodically jumped into vats of water from which they had to be rescued by concerned interrogators.
    When asked what his side got from the trade, President Khatami said, "We hope we will look a little less like horses' patoots in the eyes of the international community."
    President Khatami appeared puzzled when asked if the deal wouldn't make Americans look more like horses' patoots.
    "It doesn't seem to bother them," replied the Iranian President.