The Yoga Trap

I'm in a heap of trouble and have no idea how to get out of it. Not even God has any useful suggestions. He told me so himself.

It began when I took up yoga. My minister had warned me against it, but I needed some sort of exercise program, and I didn't have the money for the gym. the time for aerobic exercise, or the energy for anything else. Then this woman at work started offering free yoga lessons during lunch. It was perfect: no expense, no hassle, no effort. Just one little mat. So I signed up and got right down to it. It's harder than you might think, but I was getting pretty good, I thought.

And then, one day, there was God.

"Are you God?" I asked.

"Yes," said God.

"Jesus Christ!" I swore.

"Yes?" he replied encouragingly.

"No, no," I protested. "I mean, 'Doggone!' I'm in trouble now!"

"How so?" asked God.

"Well, this is because of the yoga, isn't it?" I prompted. "Seeing you, I mean."

"Yes," replied God. "Yoga offers several paths to God, such as the Path of Action, the Path of Devotion, and the Path of Knowledge. And for guys like you, who aren't good at any of those, they came up with the Path of Exercise."

"But it isn't Christian!" I protested.

"Maybe not," said God. "You were seeking God. You found me. What's the difference?"

"What's the difference?" I shrieked. "You have to use the right book! Otherwise, it doesn't count!"

"Why not?" asked God.

"Ooooh!" I moaned. "My minister said! You don't understand!"

"I don't understand?" asked God wryly.

"What will my minister say?" I wailed. "How am I going to make this right?"

"Beats the heck out of me," said God, a bit gnomically. I mean, how can anything beat the heck out of God?