"The Court of the International Full Speed Ahead Organization will now come to order.  The Honorable Tremulus T. Blight is presiding."
    The courtroom was packed.
    "Full Speed Ahead?" prompted the bailiff.
    "FULL SPEED AHEAD!" roared the crowd.
    "Case dismissed!" roared the judge.  "Oh, excuse me.  I'm getting a little ahead of myself.  The Court recognizes the Roadkill ... I mean, the armadillo.  What are you doing here, anyway?"
    "I represent Armadillos Local 407, Your, uh, Honor.  We wish to obtain relief from the reckless, speeding drivers that have been decimating our community.  But I think I'm in the wrong place.  I don't think I can get a fair hearing here."
    "I ought to hold you in contempt of court, you little Speed Bump!" growled the judge.  "But I can see that you don't understand what the International Full Speed Ahead Organization is about."
    "FULL SPEED AHEAD!" responded the crowd.  The armadillo jumped straight up into the air and then rolled himself into a tight ball.
    "Look at me when I address you, Oil Spot!" admonished the judge.  The armadillo peeked out of his self-created ball.  "The IFAO balances the interests of drivers and whatever it is that gets in their way.  It is a very even-handed, win-win kind of organization."  Judge Blight smiled benignly.
    "Well, Your, uh, Honor," ventured the armadillo, "I'm very glad to hear that, because my people can hardly step into the road without getting squashed."
    "And your point is ... ?" queried the judge impatiently.
    "The drivers are careless, thoughtless, and rude.  And they drive too fast."
    "FULL SPEED AHEAD!" shouted the crowd.  The armadillo jumped and curled again.
    "It's their road!" barked the judge.
    "We just want them to slow down and look where they're going.  And we request that penalties for running over armadillos be imposed."
    The judge howled with laughter and slapped his berobed thigh.
    "With all due respect Your, uh, Honor," squeaked the armadillo, "you don't sound very impartial to me."
    "Oh, I don't, huh?  Well, case dismissed!  Full speed ahead!"
    "FULL SPEED AHEAD!"
    "I think I'll go now," said the armadillo softly.
    "Go? GO?" crowed the judge.  "Good, good!  I guess you came in early in the morning, eh?  I think you'll find that the eight-lane highway you had to cross to get in here is substantially busier at this hour!  Hee, hee, hee!  Who's next?"
    "Speed Merchants of Travis County vs. the State, Your Honor."
    Judge Blight leaned forward.  "Who's representing the Speed Merchants?" he asked.
    "I am Your Honor."  A rather nondescript man of indeterminate age rose.
    "Welcome, my boy!" beamed the judge.  "Now, just what can we do for you?"
    "The State has established illegal restraints of speed.  The call them 'speed limits.'  Some of them are as low as 15 miles per hour!"
    "Shocking!" gasped the judge.
    "However, we feel that all of these so-called speed limits constitute an unfair restraint of speed."
    "Your Honor!  If I may ..."
    "Who the heck are you?"  Judge Blight turned an astonished face toward the interloper.  "What are you doing in my court?  Bailiff!  Remove him immediately!"
    "Your Honor, I'm the attorney for the State," protested the attorney for the State.
    "Well, what are you doing here?"
    "I'm here to present the State's side of this case."
    "You can't do that.  Can he do that?" spluttered the judge.
    "Your, uh, Honor," continued the State's attorney as best he could.  The bailiff already had a death-grip around his neck and was dragging him toward the exit.  "The State has a right and a duty to regulate the speed of traffic.  Those 15-mile-an-hour speed limits are for school zones when the children are out.  Children, gaaak, Your Alleged Honor ..."
    The judge banged his gavel.  "You're in contempt, wiseguy!  The court finds for the Speed Merchants of Travis.  Speed limits are an illegal restraint of speed!  I declare them all null and void!  Let's hear it!"
    "FULL SPEED AHEAD!"
    Another victory for balanced interests.
 

The World Trade Organization (WTO) was established in 1995, allegedly to promote development and protect the environment. Maybe that would be more believable if the name of the organization were, say, "The World Trade and Environmental Organization."  Consider the following ...

-- The United States requires shrimpers to protect endangered sea turtles by using Turtle Excluder Devices (TEDs) on their nets.  Similarly, any shrimper exporting to the U.S. would have to use TEDs.  The WTO ruled that this was a restraint of trade.
-- The U.S. required that gasoline imports meet Environmental Protection Agency emissions standards.  Guess what the WTO said?  Restraint of trade.

WTO deliberations are reported to be secretive, with little to no input allowed from interested parties.  We might stand a better chance with Judge Blight.