The Wolf at Grandma's

Our story: Following a highly unsatisfying encounter with Little Red Riding Hood, the Wolf hoofs it over to Grandma's house, hoping to gobble up the old lady and score some Goodies ...

"I don't know," said Grandma, peering through her peephole. "I'm not accustomed to letting in just any old stranger who raps on my door, especially not one with such big ears, eyes, and what-not."

"If you don't let me in," said the Wolf, "something terrible will happen to your granddaughter, Little Red ... whatsername."

"Like what?" asked the old lady suspiciously.

"Lions and tigers and bears!" said the Wolf.

"Never liked her that much, anyway," said Grandma dismissively.

"But you are in great danger!" improvised the Wolf.

Grandma hesitated. "What from?"

"Robbers, rapists, and murderers!" said the Wolf.

"Ho, hum," said Grandma.

"Great, bloodsucking vampires!" declared the Wolf.

"Not worried," said Grandma. "I eat more garlic than ... someone who eats a lot of garlic." She proceeded to shut the peephole.

"Waitwaitwait!" shouted the Wolf. "Not just vampires! Mutant, garlic-loving vampires! And zombies! And demons! And Frankenstein monsters! And ghouls! And ... and tax collectors!"

The peephole popped open again. "Really?" said Grandma, skeptical but wavering.

"Yes, yes!" cried the Wolf. "I'm the only one who can protect you!"

"Well, maybe ...," Grandma waffled. She began to open the door.

At that point, the Woodman bounded up, brandishing his ax.

"Stop right there, madam!" said the Woodman. "This Wolf is a wolf! He means to devour you and steal your Goodies!"

The Wolf looked coldly down his snout at the Woodman.

"Now, this guy," said the Wolf, "will pull out every bogeyman he can to scare you and distract you from the real issues."