Witch Hunt

The sound thrashing administered by the Tweedle-Dees to the Tweedle-Dums in the last election has given rise to speculation that the T-Dees may seek to prosecute the alleged crimes of the T-Dums. The new President has disavowed any intention of such prosecution, but the simmering rage of the electorate has kept the possibility alive. With that in mind, I have undertaken to interview select members of the out-going administration to assess their opinions on this subject.

My first interviewee was a queen under the previous administration.

Me: Your Majesty, would you be in favor of a criminal investigation of the T-Dums by the T-Dees?

Q: Absolutely not! It could be nothing but a witch hunt!

Me: Do you, personally, have anything to hide?

Q: I should say not! Don't believe a word that little bitch says about me!

Me: And what "little bitch" would you be referring to?

Q: My pestilential step-daughter, who else? I never lifted a hand or proffered a poison apple against her! Huntsman will back me up on that. And my mirror ... I think. But don't believe those nasty little buggers with the funny names! They have it in for me!

Me: Um, thank you, Your Highness. I have another interview to do.

My second interviewee is governor of one of the western provinces.

Me: How would you like to be addressed?

WWW: WWW will be fine. Everyone calls me that. With the advent of the internet, it gives me a new relevance.

Me: Governor WWW, what is your opinion of an investigation of the out-going T-Dum administration?

WWW: Why, I'm against it, of course.

Me: Why is that?

WWW: It would immediately turn into a witch hunt, that's why.

Me: So you don't think the previous administration was guilty of criminal acts?

WWW: What did that little bitch tell you?

Me: Oh, so you have a little bitch, too? Or is it the same one?

WWW: Don't know what you're talking about. My little bitch hunted me down mercilessly and without cause. Tried to drown me. Murdered my sister, too. How about that? Think she'll be investigated? And how about that fancy-pants Wall Street wizard guy? Anybody investigating him? Witch hunt! That's what it would be!

Me: Thank you for your time, ma'am.

I met my final subject at her gingerbread mansion.

Me: There has been discussion about the current administration launching an investigation of the previous one.

Gingerbread Lady: Witch hunt! Witch hunt! It's a witch hunt, it is! Did those unspeakable little brats send you?

Me: Um, what brats would those be?

Gingerbread Lady: Don't play dumb with me, wise guy! I know they put you up to it! Give a couple of wayfaring waifs a break, and this is what it gets you! Just catch me doing that again! Lying little bastards! All I ever did was treat them well and plump them up with sweeties, and what did I get? Tried to roast me in me own oven, that's what!

That was my last interview. I must conclude, in summary, that the Tweedle-Dums believe that any investigation of their activities could only turn into a witch hunt. I wonder why?