Rudy was zeroing in on one fat aphid when he hit the web.  Dang! he thought.  Get a little greedy, lose a little focus, and this is what happens.  He had never believed that it would end this way, but the large, black, eight legged creature headed his way was an argument to the contrary.
    "Ah, ha!" growled the spider.  "It looks like I've caught me a lady bug!"
    "That's gentleman bug, if you please," corrected Rudy, drawing himself up, as nearly as possible, to his full length.
    The spider took a step back.  With several legs.  "You don't say!" it said.  "I didn't know there was such a thing."
    "Indeed, there is!" Rudy puffed as indignantly as he could, consistent with his rather awkward and totally helpless position on the web.  "Where do you think the child bugs come from?"
    "Um, never heard of those, either," admitted the spider.  "But, now that you mention it, ...  Didn't mean to offend."
    "Hey, I understand," said Rudy.  "You never hear about gentleman bugs.  The ladies get all the press.  I'm pretty much used to it, although I do sometimes feel like a misfit."
    The spider looked at him oddly.  "You and I have something in common," it said.  "I'm a ... now, promise you won't laugh!... a black widower."
    "A black widower?" Rudy exclaimed incredulously.  "I've never heard of that before."  Fortunately, he did not laugh.
    "See what I mean?" said the spider.  "No one's ever heard of a black widower.  That's because there aren't supposed to be any.  Just black bachelors.  For a very short time."
    "Well, I guess we're both kind of misfits, then.  So, what happened?"
    "It all began when I met Millicent," sniffed the black widower.  "As soon as I laid eyes on her, I knew our love was meant to be.  Ah, she was so ... so ... ferocious."  He was blubbering quite freely by now.
    "There, there," said Rudy comfortingly.  "It can't be that bad, uh, what is your name, anyway?"
    The spider dried some of his eyes.  "Jasper," he said.
    "Rudy," said Rudy.
    Jasper extended a leg.  "Glad to meet you," he said.  "It was, as I said, love at first sight.  We had a whirlwind courtship.  Spiders don't like to take a long time about such things, anyway.  She was so funny.  Whenever she yelled at me, I would say, 'You don't have to bite my head off!'  And she would say, 'Oh, yes, I do!'"
    "So, what happened?"
    "We had a small wedding.  Nobody from my side of the family showed up.  You know those little bride and groom figures they put on wedding cakes?  Ours only had a bride.  The minister only asked her if she wanted to take me.  And then ... and then ..."  Jasper started weeping piteously.
    "What?  What?!"  Rudy was mesmerized.
    "My Millicent had only one failing," Jasper sobbed.  "She was a pig."
    "I thought she was a spider," objected Rudy.
    "Yeah, yeah.  Joke all you want.  Just before the, uh, main event, a fly blundered into the web.  Millicent shot me a voracious look.  I could see she was torn.  Finally, she said, 'I'll deal with you in a minute!' and hustled off to dispatch the fly.  But she was in too much of a hurry, and she choked while trying to wolf it down.  Alas, there is no Heimlich Maneuver for spiders!"
    "Don't you think that was a lucky break for you?" suggested Rudy.  "I mean, if you look at it in a certain way."
    "No, no, not really," sobbed Rudy.  "I'm not supposed to be here, you see."
    "So, is this Millicent's web?  Did you, uh, devour her?"
    "Heavens, no!" cried Jasper, shocked.
    "She was going to eat you," said Rudy helpfully.
    "Yes, but she was supposed to.  There's a difference.  I couldn't bear to stay, so I found this abandoned web here.  I guess I'm really not much good at this."
    "At what?" asked Rudy.  "Web making?"
    "Living," said Jasper.  "Making webs, hunting, killing things.  All I was supposed to do was procreate and die, and I couldn't even get that right."
    "There are other spiders in the trees," suggested Rudy.  "You can find a new mate."
    "Nah," said Jasper.  "Millicent was the only one for me.  Anyway, picking up chicks on the web isn't all it's cracked up to be.  I'll just let you go now."
    "Um, far be it from me to try to change your mind," said Rudy, his minuscule heart pounding a bit less rapidly.  "But what about you?  You have to eat, too."
    "I can't eat a fellow misfit," said Jasper simply.  "Especially when we're on a first name basis."  He clipped the web away from Rudy's wings.  "How does the poem go?  'Gentleman bug, gentleman bug, Fly away home ...'"