What's New?

"Fifty is the new thirty!" Hey, everyone knows that! The mathematical implications are still being worked out. Does this mean that 50 + 50 = 60? How about 50 + 30? Do the digits "30" still represent a valid number?

But did you know about the other "news?"

"Sick is the new healthy." We have to poison the food to make it safe. We have to fill the air full of hydrocarbons for the health of our economy. Health insurance is an elitist affectation. We need plenty of expensive drugs to prevent and cure horrible diseases A certain amount of illness is healthy. You're never going to be healthy, if you aren't willing to be sick. That's as good as it gets. Get over it.

"War is the new peace." You can only have peace if you fight for it. The enemies of peace are everywhere, and they are tireless. We must be just as tireless. The only way to achieve peace is endless war.

"Fascism is the new democracy." Democracy is the greatest form of government ever devised. It must be forced on people, whether they like it or not. The best way to do this is to invade their countries and kill everyone who resists. And many that don't. In grateful appreciation of their liberation, the subject people must throw their economies open for corporate exploitation.

"Lies are the new truth." Sometimes fiction is truer than nonfiction, you know? Nonfiction is too haphazard, whereas in fiction, a greater truth can be distilled so that readers understand it. So, too, with life. Lies that advance civilization, as we are coming to know it, are truer (and more useful) than mere facts.

"Treason is the new patriotism." Outmoded documents, institutions, and attitudes are a drag on the development of the new world order. Hidebound traditionalists (not to be confused with conservatives), often cling to outmoded ways (not to be confused with elitist put-downs of patriotic Americans), thinking it treason to nullify and override harmful old laws and constitutions and divisions of power and things. Confusion as to whom the true patriots are can be dispelled by wearing a simple flag pin.

There are many other "news," such as "poverty is the new wealth" and "evil is the new good" and "down is the new up." But I fear you may not yet be ready to digest, or even swallow, them all at once.