Waterwhat?

A Timeline of Events That Could Have Happened

Former Senator George McGovern has said that we need a "Deep Throat" for Iraq. I propose an analogy that supposes that the 1970s were like today to show why that will not happen ...

June 17, 1972 - Five men are arrested for allegedly attempting to bug the offices of the Democratic National Committee at the Watergate building.

October 10, 1972 - The FBI is ordered not to pursue any possible connection between the Watergate break-in and the Nixon re-election campaign. And to destroy anything that may have turned up so far. None of this is reported.

November 7, 1972 - Nixon re-elected in landslide.

January 30, 1973 - Watergate burglars convicted. During the trial, Judge John Sirica engages in unconventional judicial behavior, such as questioning witnesses himself and instructing jurors to consider not only what happened, but why. Sirica imposes severe sentences, but offers the possibility of reduced sentences for those who cooperate.

January 31, 1973 - House Majority Leader Tom DeRange denounces activist judges, promising that they would "get theirs" and posting Sirica's address on the Internet.

February 1, 1973 - Activist Judge John Sirica lynched by rampaging mob of patriots chanting "Support the President! Support the President."

February 2, 1973 - Watergate burglars' convictions overturned by U.S. Appeals court. Late Judge Sirica harshly reprimanded for judicial activism. Charges against alleged burglars dropped. All appellate judges appointed by President Nixon following the demise of the Senate filibuster.

February 3, 1973 - U.S. Senate joins together for a rousing round of "For He's a Jolly Good Fellow" in honor of President Nixon. Vice President Spiro Agnew leads.

February 4, 1973 - Washington Post reporters Bob Woodward and Carl Bernstein publish a list of deep-cover CIA agents related to critics of President Nixon. The source is listed as a mysterious Washington insider known only as "Deep Shit." Meanwhile, Deputy FBI Director Mark Felt is found dead at his home, having been bound and shot six times in the back of the head. The death is ruled a suicide.

February 5, 1973 - President Nixon warns the nation that the People's Republic of China is stockpiling weapons of mass destruction that can be targeted at the United States in a matter of minutes ...