walk like a duck

Walk Like a Duck

    "Quack, quack," said the rooster.
    "Jake," said I, "I have some bad news for you."
    Jake had phoned me in a gush of enthusiasm, begging me to come over and see his new rooster. My own numerous chores notwithstanding, there was nothing for it but to truck on over.
    "That rooster's gonna be a great breeder, all right," said Jake.
    "Uh, just one thing," I interjected. "Roosters are supposed to say 'cock-a-doodle-doo,' not 'quack, quack.'"
    "No problem," replied Jake. "So Boomer's cluck's a little different. That's because he's a neochicken."
    "Neochicken?" I asked skeptically.
    "Yeah. It's a new breed. They're chickens, but new. That's what 'neo' means, you know. The neochicken people explained it all to me."
    "Ah. So, these neochicken people were the ones who sold you this bird?"
    "That's right," said Jake. "He was mighty expensive, but he's worth every penny. They explained that, too."
    "Ok," I said patiently, "but look at the way your Boomer is walking. That's a waddle, wouldn't you say?"
    "Just a modified strut, that is," said Jake.
    "Hmm," I pondered. "How about those feet? See the webs? Chickens don't have webbed feet."
    "He's a neochicken," insisted Jake. "Didn't I tell you that?"
    "Well, yes," I admitted, "but how about that beak? See how rounded it is? That would be good for a water bird, but it's not a good ol' sharp grain-pecking beak. See what I mean?"
    "Another improvement," he shrugged. "My chickens are going to be the most adaptable birds in the county. Maybe even in the state!"
    "Look," I said, "Boomer walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck. So, what would you say he was?"
    "A rooster," said Jake densely.
    Perhaps I needed to be a little less diplomatic. "No, Jake. No. Boomer is a duck."
    "How dare you!" gasped Jake. "How dare you call my chicken a duck? I'm shocked! Scandalized!"
    "But he's such an obvious duck," I said helplessly. "He quacks. He waddles. He has webbed feet. He has a duck's beak. Look! There! He just took off swimming in your pond. He looks like a duck. He acts like a duck. He's the very essence of duckness, for Pete's sake. How, how do you figure that that's a chicken?"
    "He's a neochicken," explained Jake patiently. "Hear that 'chicken' part in there? If he were a duck, the neochicken people wouldn't call him a chicken, would they?"