Up in Smoke

"JR," said Dad icily, "I found the cigarettes in your room."

"Oh, Dad, those are just for an experiment in Chemistry." JR gave a dismissive wave and strangled off the "And just what the hell were you doing, snooping in my room?"

"Experiment, huh?" said Dad suspiciously. "I never heard of no chemistry experiments involving cigarettes."

Well, you probably never heard of no chemistry, either, thought JR. "Oh, sure, sure. It's the new chemistry. But while we're on the subject - just curious - why won't you let me smoke? If I wanted to, that is."

"Oh, JR, it's just terrible for your health," replied Dad with concern. "You could get lung cancer, heart disease, emphysema, and ... other things. But isn't any one of those enough?"

"Well, maybe," said JR. "But you smoke. Why is it all right for you, but not for me?"

"That's a ... very different matter," harrumphed Dad. "I'm a man. I can handle it. Smoking's for men."

"Mom smokes," said JR, a bit cheekily, perhaps.

"Well, ... yes, she does," admitted Dad. "And I can't say I'm very happy about that. But she started before I knew her. And at least, she's an adult. So she's responsible. Anyway, she's with me, so it's ok."

"Then how about Angie?" JR persisted. "She smokes, too. You've known her all her life, and she isn't an adult."

"I do not approve of your sister's smoking," scowled Dad.

"Maybe not," said JR. "But you don't stop her, either. You always say you'll beat the tar out of me if you ever catch me smoking. Maybe even beat the tar out of me before I start smoking, as a preventive measure. How come you don't beat the tar out of Angie?"

"Well, I would," said Dad. "And I might still do that. But she kind of snuck off while I wasn't watching and started puffing away, and now it's a done deal. I plan to make her stop, but it has to be handled delicately with an active smoker. I'm going to get Mom and some other responsible smokers to put pressure on her to stop. Maybe some sanctions, like cutting off her allowance."

"How about this?" suggested JR. "Why don't you stop smoking? I bet you could persuade Angie to stop, if you did that. Maybe Mom, too."

"That," huffed Dad, "is out of the question. I need my cigarettes, and for me and a few other select people, smoking is a very responsible behavior."

"So you not only won't stop smoking, but insist that it's what the coolest adults do," quibbled JR. "And you treat Angie with kid gloves because she is a smoker, but threaten to beat the tar out of me when I am not a smoker. Tell me, Dad, exactly what is my incentive for not joining the Smoking Club?"