Tortoise Rips Hare

In the keenly anticipated Race of the Century, the underdog (or underchelonian) tortoise has crossed the finish line before the favored hare could get to the starting blocks.

At the pre-race press conference, the trash-talking hare snarked that the tortoise might not reach the finish line before mid-February, some three weeks hence. The hare then flashed his state-of-the-art Walmart jet pack, which he expected to oil his path to victory. The contraption's engine then unexpectedly engaged, blowing the bunny's left thumper right off.

The hare's condition is listed as "day to day." The date of his return to competitive racing is TBD.

The good ol' USPS delivered my W-2 on Friday, while the company's highly-touted electronic delivery is busted, cause unknown, no estimated fix date.