The sky was looking pretty black to the south when the alarm went off.
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  ALL EMPLOYEES IN HC1 GET UNDER YOUR DESKS IMMEDIATELY!  STAY OUT OF THE STAIRWELLS!  STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS!"
    Well, we employees at the Hellengone Campus had a few questions right off the top.  Like what the heck was going on.
    "What the heck is going on?" someone asked.
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  ALL EMPLOYEES IN HC1 GET UNDER YOUR DESKS IMMEDIATELY!  STAY OUT OF THE STAIRWELLS!  STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS!" replied the PA system.
    "Probably a nuclear attack.  When I was in 5th grade, that's what they told us to do when there was a nuclear attack."
    "Nah.  It's a tornado warning.  Heard it on the radio."
    So, that cleared that point up.  However, ...
    "Desk?  What desks?  We don't have any desks!  All we have are these stupid chewing gum and bailing wire cubicles!"
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  ALL EMPLOYEES IN HC1 GET UNDER YOUR DESKS IMMEDIATELY!  STAY OUT OF THE STAIRWELLS!  STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS!"
    The wind was starting to pick up.
    "Oh, they mean the surface made of pseudo imitation plasto-wood-like product that we do our work on."
    Another mystery explained.  But ...
    "Um, do you think that under our so-called 'desks' is really a safe place on the third floor of this flimsy building?"
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  ALL EMPLOYEES IN HC1 PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO THE FIRST FLOOR AND GET UNDER A DESK!  STAY OUT OF THE STAIRWELLS!  STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS!"
    It was starting to rain.
    "Ah!  Maybe it isn't such a safe place!"
    "So, how do we get to the first floor without using the stairs?"
    "Use the elevators!"
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  ALL EMPLOYEES IN HC1 PROCEED IMMEDIATELY TO THE FIRST FLOOR AND GET UNDER A DESK!  STAY OUT OF THE STAIRWELLS!  STAY AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS!  DO NOT USE THE ELEVATORS!"
    It was raining heavily now.
    "Hmm.  Let's see.  Is it possible to take the stairs without  going into the stairwells?"
    "Not the last time I took physics."
    "Well, I never took physics.  Maybe I can do it."
    "Anyone know the Emergency Evacuation Plan?"
    "Posted by the elevators."
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  STAY AWAY FROM THE ELEVATORS!"
    "You know, I'm getting pretty tired of that 'BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!' stuff.  Ah, here's the plan for this floor."
    "Can't make head nor tail of it."
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  INSTRUCTIONS FOR INTERPRETING THE EMERGENCY EVACUATION PLAN ARE LOCATED ON THE EMERGENCY EVACUATION PLAN WEB SITE!  WWW.ITSYERASS.COM!"
    It was about then that the hail started in.
    "What if the power goes out?  How are we supposed to access the web site?"
    "Well, it hasn't gone out yet.  Here.  I've got it.  But it's asking me for a password!  What's that all about?"
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  THE EMERGENCY EVACUATION PLAN IS CLASSIFIED INFORMATION!  YOU NEED THE APPROVAL OF YOUR MANAGER, SENIOR MANAGER, DIRECTOR, AND VICE-PRESIDENT TO ACCESS INFORMATION ON THE WEB SITE!"
    At that point, we all just decided to take the stairs.  There was one other small question in the backs of our minds ...
    "There are four times as many people as desks!  How are we all supposed to get under a desk?"
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  IT DOESN'T MATTER, SINCE THEY AREN'T REAL DESKS!  ANYWAY, WE'RE ONLY SAYING THIS TO PROTECT OURSELVES FROM LAWSUITS!  IF SOME POOR SHMOE GETS SPLATTERED IN A STAIRWELL, WE CAN SAY WE TOLD YOU TO KEEP OUT OF THE STAIRWELLS!  IF SOME JOKER GETS WASTED BECAUSE HE GOT BLOWN AWAY WITH THE FOURTH FLOOR, WE CAN SAY WE TOLD YOU TO GO TO THE FIRST FLOOR!  IF SOME DOOFUS DIES IN AN ELEVATOR, WE TOLD YOU TO STAY AWAY FROM THE ELEVATORS!  WHATEVER HAPPENS TO YOU, WE WARNED YOU!"
    The building was starting to shake.  That was when we decided to take our chances on the road.
    "BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  FALSE ALARM!  YOU MAY GO HOME NOW, BUT STAY OUT OF YOUR CARS!"

    When we returned to work the next day, the roof on HC1 was gone, but there was a little gift for each of us.  Lying on each keyboard was a brochure.  A sopping wet brochure, to be sure, but a brochure nonetheless.  Its title?  "Emergency Evacuation Procedures."  Those with the temerity to open it up were rewarded with the following:  "For more information, consult the Emergency Evacuation Plan web site."

BLAT!  BLAT!  BLAT!  The foregoing is an exaggerated version of events that transpired at my place of work.  I wish I could say that it was grossly exaggerated.