Tigers and Fraidies

Every few years, the seals choose a new leader. Selection is approved by majority show of flippers, so the leader is known, of course, as the Seal of Approval, or SoA. The seals also had an unelected political pundit, a surly walrus, who just hung around and blathered about this and that. Some, mainly the Walrus himself, believed that the seals gathered round him because he was an essential part of the community, due to his keen political insights and scintillating personality, but the truth is that he was simply to big to move out of the way.

One year, the seals approved an SoA with rather unorthodox ideas.

"We must go forth and slay our enemies!" cried the SoA. The seals just kind of flippered around the ice, looking nervous and a bit embarrassed.

"Thing is," said one seal, "seals aren't really very good at going forth and slaying anything except fish. If fish is what you have in mind, we're your seals. But polar bears and orcas, ... not so much."

"What polar bears and orcas?" scoffed the SoA. "I'm talking about tigers!"

"Tigers?" replied the reluctant seal. "You mean like striped things in jungles half way around the world?"

"The very ones!" replied the SoA.

"Oh, I reckon we could give them a sharp reprimand or two," allowed the seal. "Maybe some strongly worded messages."

"No, no, no!" snapped the SoA. "I'm talking about swimming over there and kicking their asses! They're a clear and present danger to our society!"

"Well, I guess if you want to do that, it's ok," said the seal uncertainly.

"Not me!" retorted the SoA. "I'm the SoA. I have to stay here, where it's safe. It's all y'all that are going!"

A lot of the seals weren't so sure about that, but the SoA was the SoA, and the old Walrus loved the idea. He said all the seals who didn't want to support their SoA were fraidies and unpatriotic.

"All you seals who're afraid of tigers are fraidies!" he barked. "You hope the SoA will fail! You can't get any lower than that!"

Of course, he wasn't going anywhere, either.

In the end, the seals followed their leader. They were used to taking the SoA's word for things, and they didn't like being called cowards and traitors, and they really didn't want to be perceived as rooting for their leader to crash and burn. Or crash and freeze, as the situation may dictate. They needn't have worried. Some seals are just natural born failures. A lot like people, in that respect.

To almost no one's amazement, the war against the tigers did not go well. Most of the seals died on the way to India due to fatigue, hunger, and the predations of many creatures, none of which were tigers. The survivors just limped back home. In any case, it became clear to even the most obtuse of seals, and obtuseness is endemic in seals, that a change was needed. So they ousted the old SoA and approved a new one.

The new SoA had very different ideas from the old one.

"We have no business traipsing off fighting tigers," said the new SoA. "Let's just stop that. We're having enough trouble right here with polar bears and sharks and orcas. More importantly, we have to feed our families. We have to take care of that before anything else."

The old walrus hated that. "What's the matter with you seals?" he whined. "If we don't fight those tigers in India, next thing you know, we'll be fighting them here! That new guy is a terrible SoA! Oooo, I hope he fails!"

"What happened to 'you can't get any lower than that?'" asked some of the more perceptive seals.

"That's the difference between you and me," retorted the walrus. "It's the difference between wrong and right! You can't get any lower than that! I can!"