The big guy almost bowled me over.  It wasn't so much his size, although he was some twenty feet high, or even his appearance, although his robe and turban were certainly striking.  It was his full-bodied, self-confident  bluster that nearly landed me on my bottom.  That, and the fact that he more or less appeared out of nowhere.
    "Uh, what was that you said?" I sputtered.
    "Wishes, boy, wishes!" he roared, seizing me by the shoulders and shaking me thoroughly. "You get three wishes!"
    "Uh, I do?" I asked stupidly. "Uh, who - or what - are you, anyway?"
    "Get control of your tongue, boy!" he boomed, shaking me again. "I'm the Great and Powerful Genie!  Great and Powerful!"
    "Great and ...," I mumbled uncertainly.
    "Ok, you can call me GAP for short," said the genie generously. "But remember!  It means 'Great and Powerful!'"
    "So, what's this about wishes ... uh, GAP?"
    The genie looked at me as if I were a slow learner and tapped on my forehead with his ample knuckles.  Then he retrieved an old-fashioned oil lamp from his sash and dangled it in front of my eyes.
    "Hello-o-o!" he chanted. "Anybody home?  Don't you know anything about genies and lamps and wishes?"
    "Well, of course, " I stammered, trying to regain my dignity. "But aren't you supposed to find the lamp first, then rub it?  Then the genie comes last of all.  Isn't that the way it's supposed to go?  Whoever heard of the genie accosting you on the street without so much as a how do you do?"
    GAP gave a dismissive wave of his genie hand.  "That's old Persia," he said. This is a new day!"
    "Well, just the same, I think I'd better give that lamp a rub."
    The genie slapped my hand.  "Keep your hands off the merchandise!" he snapped.
    "I thought I was supposed to get three wishes," I whined.
    "Wishes?" jeered the genie. "You want wishes?  C'mon!  I got yer wishes right here!"
    "Look, I'm getting confused here," I said. "What is it you want, and what am I supposed to do?"
    "Just shut up so I can grant your wishes," said the genie helpfully.
    "But I haven't made any wishes," I objected. "I didn't even ask for any."
    "Shut up and be grateful!" snapped the genie. "You don't have to make any wishes.  I'll make them for you.  I know what you want better than you do.  Here comes your first wish ... "
    And with that, the Great and Powerful Genie proceeded to drub the shit out of me.
    "Wait!  Stop!" I screamed. "I mean, I wish you would stop!"
    I awoke in a hospital, so the wish gambit apparently didn't work.  The genie was sitting next to my bed.
    "Awk!" I squawked. "Get away from me!  Help!  Police!  Somebody!  He's going to kill me!"
    "Oh, pipe down," said the genie. "The least you could do is show a little gratitude."
    "Gratitude?" I sputtered. "Gratitude? "  My mind was unable to connect gratitude with a  near-fatal thrashing.
    "Certainly," smiled the genie. "You were possessed by demons.  I had to liberate you."
    "I don't know anything about any demons," I objected churlishly.
    "I could tell you were possessed by your bad attitude," said the genie. "Now that I think of it, it seems to be coming back ..."
    "Oh, no!  No, it isn't!" I insisted quickly. "So, how did I wind up in the hospital?  Did you bring me?"
    "No, I sent  you!" he chuckled, banging his monstrous fist into his ample palm. "Just a little joke.  No, some interfering passers-by called for an ambulance."
    "Uh, interfering?" I chirped.
    "Oh, yes.  Claimed they were trying to 'help' you.  Could've ruined everything.  Given the demons someplace to hide.  But don't worry!  I've warned all those troublemakers away.  Promised them a few wishes, if they didn't back off.  They drew the appropriate lesson pretty quickly."
    "Gulp," I gulped.
    "Tut, tut!" said GAP. "Time for your second wish!"
    "Oh, no!" I pleaded. "Not yet!  I'm, uh, too weak.  The, uh, demons may have a chance to come back!"
    "Nonsense!" replied the genie crisply. "Here it is:  your second wish is to provide oil for my lamp!  Now, hop to it!"
    "I'm sorry, uh, GAP," I said, "but I don't want to do that."
    "Yes, you do!" barked GAP. "You just don't know it!  That's why you need me - to tell you what you want."
    "Actually, that sounded more like your wish than mine."  I said it very gently and reasonably.  GAP grabbed me by the throat.
    "On second thought," I burbled, "I guess I do want to oil up your lamp."
    The genie smiled and relaxed his grip without letting go entirely.
    "Do I get to make the third wish?" I asked.
    GAP glowered at me.  "First wishes first," he said, tightening his grip almost imperceptibly.  "And second wishes second.  Let's see how you do with this one before I tell you what the next one is."
    "Ah!" said I. "That's what I thought."

   For six months, I oiled the lamp, while the genie sacked out on my recliner watching soaps and drinking beer.  Then one day, he summoned me with a wave and a burp.
    "Your service has been ... satisfactory," he smiled tipsily, patting me on the head. "Now, it's time for your third wish."
    "Oh, goody," I said.
    "And for your third wish," he announced grandiloquently, "I give you freedom!"
    "From you?" I ventured timidly.
    "Why, you cut me to the quick!"   GAP looked hurt.  "You've never needed freedom from me.  I'm your liberator.  So let's begin."  And he demolished my house.
    "Yikes!" I screamed. "Why did you do that?"
    "It was a bad house," he said. "It enslaved you."
    "Yeah.  To food, a roof over my head, and a warm bed," I protested.
    "Material stuff."
    "I notice you didn't mind the recliner and the TV."
    He ignored me.
    "You need a new house," he said.  "A liberating house.  Oh.  One more thing.  I'm going to have to give you a daily beating to keep you focused."
    He proceeded with the first installment.
    When I came to, I saw the other genies.  There were five or six of them floating over the smoking remains of my house.
    "What are they doing here?" I asked.
    "I'm taking bids on the reconstruction," said GAP.
    "Couldn't you just zap me a new house?"
    GAP gave me a dismissive wave.  "I don't do that kind of thing.  I'm a statesman.  I take care of the political stuff.  Liberations, demolitions, occupations, that sort of thing.  These gentlemen are businessmen.  I work for them."
    "So, one of them zaps me a new house?"
    "Well, that's something people don't understand about genies.  We're awesome at demolition, but not so good at building.  The guys who win the bids will rebuild your house, but it will take ... some time," said GAP.
    "The bids?" I asked suspiciously.
    "Right," said GAP. "High bids win.  The lucky winners pay me."
    "Winners?  Plural?"
    "Sure.  Someone has to lay the foundation, put up the walls, put on the roof.  Then there's plumbing, electricity, .... The possibilities are almost endless."
    "So, what do they get out of it?"
    "Oh, they get to extract as much wealth as they can out of the project," said the genie.
    "The project?  That's my house you're talking about!  Who's going to pay for all this?" I screeched.
    "Why, you are, of course.  Your house, as you said."
    "But why do I have to pay, when you destroyed my house?"
    "Had to do it to liberate you," lectured GAP. "A little gratitude would be in order."
    "So, when these leeches finish draining my resources, am I done with you?"
    "You're hurting my feelings," sniffed my liberator, giving me an affectionate cuff on the head. "But no.  This is only the beginning!  You will now be free to live as  you choose."
    "I want to live without you sitting in my living room, such as it was, and looking over my shoulder," I told him, as I rubbed my head.
    "Nope.  You can't do that," said the genie.
    "Why not?  I thought I was free now."
    "You don't understand what freedom is," said GAP. "You're equating freedom with doing whatever you want, rather than with doing whatever I want.  Without my guidance, you will only wind up enslaved again."
    "I wasn't enslaved before," I pointed out.
    "See?" said GAP. "That's what you need me for.  You don't even know the difference between freedom and slavery.  But I do, and if you do exactly as I command, you will be free."

    I found a ratty little apartment to live in while the genies crawled all over the site of my erstwhile home.  Months passed, and they drained my bank account, my retirement account, and my Christmas club account.  They garnished my wages.  They maxed out my credit cards.  But no actual house seemed to be in prospect during the current geologic age.
    There is one hopeful development, however.  I am seeing less of GAP.  More wishes to grant, he said.  Others to liberate.  True, all of my mail arrives opened and pre-read.  And when I talk to anyone on the phone, I can hear poorly suppressed breathing in the background.  But at least, the daily thrashings have subsided.  And I have my computer to talk to aksofjej g[wgfadpejra ............

Greetings!  This is your friendly, neighborhood genie.  I'm here to give you three wishes.  Believe me, I'm a Great and Powerful Genie.  I'm going to teach you all about freedom.  Trust me.