Texas DST

This is to announce the implementation of the new DST for the state of Texas, effective immediately. The new DST, or Darkness Savings Time, replaces the cumbersome, complicated, and inefficient old DST, or Daylight Savings Time.

Darkness Savings Time will be implemented by switching AM and PM. No other adaptations of any sort are required. People will still start work at 8 AM and finish at 5 PM, but it will be dark instead of light at those times. No opposition is expected. Long experience with human beings has demonstrated that they will fight and whine to the death if you tell them that they have to work at night and sleep during the day, but will raise no objections, and in fact, demonstrate no brain activity whatsoever, if you tell them that night is day and vice-versa.

The new DST has the following advantages over the old DST. First, there will be no switching back and forth. This will save millions of dollars and the countless hours currently devoted to reminding everyone when the switch will take place. Everyone forgets, anyway. Second, Darkness Savings Time will protect Texans from a good 75% of the super-100-degree temperatures that have become routine in the Lone Star State. And when I say 75%, I mean at least 60%. Call it 50%. Good round number. Third, it will conserve water because people will drink less at night. This will be good practice for when we run out of water completely. But never fear. We have months before that happens. Finally, ... think of this as a pilot project.