Testing the Chickens

Feeding time on the farm. The Hogs were gorging at the trough, while the Chickens went scratching in the yard. The Farmer kept hauling out tubs of slop to replenish the troughs, while occasionally tossing a handful of corn for the chickens to scrabble over.

"Harrumph!" said the Farmer at last. It was a boding sort of "harrumph." The animals all paused and looked up apprehensively.

"Y'all keep gorging like it's the end of the Mayan calendar," scolded the Farmer. "I can't afford to keep feeding you at this volume. There are going to be some changes around here!"

"Well, it's the Chickens' fault, obviously," slobbered the Hogs, slop streaming from the sides of their overflowing gobs. "Big eaters, those Chickens. Wasteful eaters. Not pulling their weight."

"Exactly what I was thinking," said the Farmer. And he threw all the chickens off the farm.

"You can just toss that chicken-corn over this way," suggested the Hogs helpfully. "If you want to put it to productive use."

Not long after the expulsion of the Chickens, the Farmer noticed a curious thing. He wasn't getting any eggs.

"Ok," said the Farmer, returning to the Hogs. "I'm going to have to rehire some of the chickens."

"Just like that?" asked the Hogs, aghast. "You're letting them back in? Them worthless, no-account wastrels?"

"Not all of them," replied the Farmer defensively. "Just enough to get me some eggs."

"Nevertheless," said the Hogs, "you can't just let them waltz back in here like they live here! After all, someone threw them out of someplace before! They can't be trustworthy, if they don't even have their own farmyard!"

"No, you're right!" agreed the Farmer. "Before I let any of those low-lifes in, I'm going to make them undergo mandatory testing for ... avian flu!"

"And chicken pox!" added the Hogs.

"And swine flu!" said the Farmer.

"No need to go there," said the Hogs. "Wouldn't want you to go getting the right idea."

"Right!" cried the Farmer. "I'll make those weaklings pay for their weakness!"

And so he did. As usual.