"A slither of lobbyists to see you, Senator."
     "Thank you, Miss Hooters.  Ah, Messrs. Pondscum, Slimemold, and Mugwort.  Do
come in!  What can I do for you today?"
     "It's about the Bible," said Pondscum.  "It won't do. We want you to repeal it.  We'll write a new one that you can pass at the next session."
     "Hmm," mused the Senator.  "I don't think we can do that.  I purport to be a very religious man.  It's one of the things that got me elected.  If I get defeated in the next election, I won't be able to help you very much.  Even worse, you won't give me any more money."
     "Well, we don't have to throw the whole thing out," offered Mugwort.  "Just the most objectionable parts."
     "A few strategic amendments would do," suggested Slimemold.
     "Ah, now that sounds doable," said the Senator.  "How about starting with one amendment and seeing how it goes from there?  What do you find most objectionable about the Bible?"
     "I don't like any of it," groused Pondscum.  "It doesn't guarantee my clients unlimited access to other people's money.  It doesn't give rich people any respect."
     "Could you be more specific?" the Senator probed.
     "I don't like the part about rich people going through a needle," said Mugwort.
     "Ah, you mean the part about its being easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God," the Senator translated.
     "Whatever," grunted Mugwort.
     "I think the Ten Commandments is a good place to start," said Slimemold.  "I brought a Bible.  Here, I'll show you what I mean.  Take this one:

                                          Thou shalt have no other gods before me.

     "Now, people might misinterpret that and say they don't have to do what their bosses tell them to do.  Or they might think that some things are more important than money."
     "That could be a problem," the Senator agreed.  "But abolishing the Ten Commandments might be unpopular."
     "Well, like I said," said Slimemold, "we can amend them. They're not bad, but they need some explanation.  I'll give you my Revised Ten Commandments.  Anyone feel free to jump in at any time:

    “1.  Thou shalt have no other gods before me.  Thou shalt in no way construe this to mean that money is not worthy of worship, or that thou dost not owe complete and unconditional obedience to thy superiors.

     “2.  Thou shalt not worship graven images.  This is just for church.  Money is expressly exempted.  (See Commandment #1.)

     “3.  Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain.  Thou art exempt from this provision when thou art showing how macho thou art or when thou hast lost thy temper."

     "Jesus Christ!" exclaimed Mugwort.  "What does all that mean?"
     Slimemold continued:

     “4.  Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.  However, thou shalt not use this as an excuse not to work as many hours and as many days as thy boss shall require.

     “5.  Honor thy father and thy mother.  However, honor thy employer more, that thy days may be long upon the job.

     “6.  Thou shalt not kill.  However, during war, thou shalt kill without question.  The State is expressly exempt from this provision.  Further, this provision doth not apply to deaths that result from defective commercial products, especially those that are sold overseas.

     “7.  Thou shalt not commit adultery.  Public servants are exempt.

     "That one's for you, Senator."
     "Thanks, Slimemold, but we'd better leave that one alone.  It's a Family Values issue.  That's another thing I claim to support.  I got elected for being a strong Family Values advocate."
     "But how about those, ah, young ladies you, ah, keep company with?" asked Pondscum.
     "This is exactly why you gentlemen need political professionals like me," explained the Senator.  "You can do anything you want as long as you say what the voters want to hear.  It's all appearances.  Smoke and mirrors.  The appearance of virtue is a sacred thing.  But proceed, Mr. Slimemold."
    "Thank you, Senator.  Here goes

     “8.  Thou shalt not steal.  Stealing shalt in no way be defined to include the transfer of wealth through any business practice or legislative act.”

     "Do you think that's adequate?" asked Mugwort.  "We need broad coverage."
     "Yes," replied Slimemold, "but I think we'll need another meeting to address the stealing thing.  I already have 42 articles of exemption written up, and I'm not sure it's enough.  But let's finish with the basics:
 
     “9.  Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor.  This article shalt in no way be construed to require strict adherence to the truth in all circumstances.  It shalt not restrict the claims of businesses about their products.  It shalt not apply to any statement made by a politician.  It shalt not apply to business people who are being sued because of faulty merchandise.
 
     “10.  Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's house, or his wife, or anything that is thy neighbor's.  However, covetousness is permitted if thou art capable of exercising one of the exemptions to Commandment #8.  Then wilt thy neighbor’s possessions be thine, and thy neighbor wilt be prohibited from coveting them.  Also, in the interests of a healthy bidness climate, thou art permitted to covet if thy covetousness wilt motivate thee to spend beyond thy means to keep up with thy neighbor.”

     "Now, there’s a bill I can carry!" exclaimed the Senator.
     And everyone stood and applauded another triumph of the democratic process.