Tearing Down the Levee

copyright © 2008 by Robert L. Blau

I am interviewing Mr. Herbert Braingristle, who is diligently working on tearing down a levee. Mr. Braingristle, what on earth are you doing?

"Tearing down the levee. I thought that would be obvious. Duh!"

Hmm, yes. But this levee protects the town from flooding. Why are you tearing it down?

"That should be obvious, too. It's because of the flooding of New Orleans."

I'm confused, sir. In the first place, New Orleans is hundreds of miles from here, and ...

"True, but the roots of the flooding are right here. We have to stop the flooding here, or we'll get flooded out at home."

Well, I don't quite understand that, Mr. Braingristle, but there are a couple of things I'm even more curious about. Why are you tearing down a levee, if you want to prevent flooding?

"Du-uh! This levee is just like the ones that failed in New Orleans. It has to be replaced."

But there is no flooding here, Mr. Braingristle.

"No flooding, huh? Then what do you call all that water coming through there?"

I call it breeches that you just made in the levee, and I think it's time we retreat to higher ground.

"Halt, you traitorous coward! If we quit now, the flood wins!"

Mr. Braingristle, have you ever heard the saying, "If you've dug yourself into a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging?"

"This is not a hole, and I am not digging! It's entirely different!"

It may not be a hole, sir, but it sure is rapidly filling up with water.

"Well, of course, it's filling up with water. I said it was going to flood! And you know whose fault that is?"

Uh, yours?

"No! It's that great big dam over there. It's encouraging the flood! I'm going to blow that damn thing to smithereens!"

Mr. Braingristle, ... Um, Mr. Braingristle?

"Glub."

Thank you very much, sir.