Brer Rabbit and the Mass Animal Traps
                                                                                       copyright © 2003 by Robert L. Blau

    "That Brer Rabbit sure was the cleverest animal ever!" declared the boy. "Did he ever get into a jam he couldn't get out of, Uncle Rebus?"
    Uncle Rebus scratched his chin thoughtfully.  "Well, there was the time he tangled with Brer Donkey," he said.
    "Oh, please tell me!" begged the boy...

    One day Brer Rabbit sees a wide field of some black substance.
    "I wonder what that is?" thinks Brer Rabbit, and he goes to get a better look.
    Just then, Brer Donkey, who's standing near the field brays loudly, and Brer Rabbit 'bout jumps out of his skin.
    "You don't wanna go in there," says Brer Donkey.
    "Oh, yeah?" says Brer Rabbit. "Well, if you don't want me goin' in there, that black stuff must be mighty valuable, and I'm gonna get it."
    "I don't advise it," says Brer Donkey.
    So Brer Rabbit calls all the other forest critters and says, "That Brer Donkey is evil.  Let's kill him."
    "Now, why you wanna do that?" asks Brer Fox.
    "Well, he's a farm animal, and farm animals are evil," says Brer Rabbit.
    "I think you been nibbling those cannabis leaves, Brer Rabbit," says Brer Goose.
    All the other animals start to go away.
    "Wait!" hollers Brer Rabbit. "That ain't all!  Brer Donkey been making Mass Animal Traps!  He want to kill all of us!"
    Now that got their attention.
    "Well, that do sound serious," says Brer Bear. "You wouldn't happen to have any proof of that, would you?"
    "Of course, I do!" says Brer Rabbit. "My second cousin once removed's friend's friend said he heard Brer Donkey plotting to kill us."
    "That ain't enough proof for me," says Brer Fox.
    "I'm with Brer Fox," says Brer Bear.
    "I still think you been at the cannabis," says Brer Goose.
    "Well, I believe Brer Rabbit," says Brer Kangaroo.

    "Uncle Rebus!  Uncle Rebus!" cried the boy.
    "What is it, boy?" asked Uncle Rebus.
    "How did the kangaroo get in there?"
    "Hey, this is my story!" said Uncle Rebus testily. "I can have a kangaroo in it if I want!  You wanna hear this story or not?"
    "Yes, please," said the cowed boy.

    So Brer Kangaroo comes out in favor of Brer Rabbit's plan.
    "Yeah, let's go get 'im!" roars Brer Lion.

    Uncle Rebus paused briefly, daring the boy to object to the lion.
    "Ok?" asked Uncle Rebus.
    The boy smiled submissively.

    "See?" says Brer Rabbit. "Brer Lion and Brer Kangaroo are with me!  What's wrong with the rest of you?  I have proof!"
    "Very persuasive," says Brer Lion.
    "It don't persuade me," says Brer Bear.
    "I tell you what," says Brer Fox. "Let's go over to Brer Donkey's place and see if he got any of them Mass Animal Traps."
    "You're just wasting time," warns Brer Rabbit. "Every day you give him is another day for him to spring them traps on us!"
    "Yeah," says Brer Lion. "What he said."
    But the other animals isn't convinced.
    "If we find any traps, we'll go after Brer Donkey with you," says Brer Bear. "But don't you go running after him by yourself!"
    "Well, I ain't going after Brer Donkey even if you do find them ... whatevers," says Brer Goose.
    "We don't care what you find or don't find," says Brer Rabbit. "Me and Brer Lion and Brer Kangaroo is going to get that donkey!"
    So the animals go to Brer Donkey and say, "Hey, Brer Donkey!  You got any Mass Animal Traps?"
    "You crazy?" says Brer Donkey.
    "Mind if we look?" asks Brer Bear.
    "Help yourself," says Brer Donkey.
    Well, the animals don't find nothin'.
    "That proves it!" says Brer Rabbit.
    "Proves what?" asks Brer Fox.
    "Since you can't find them Mass Animal Traps, it proves that Brer Donkey is hiding them!  Let's get 'im!" says Brer Rabbit.
    "I think you been into the coca leaves now," says Brer Goose.
    "Farm animals is evil!" says Brer Rabbit again.
    This gets Brer Bull's attention, and he starts pawin' and snortin'.
    "Hey, this guy says farm animals is evil," says Brer Bull.
    Now, Brer Horse gets interested, and he starts whinnyin' and rearin' and pawin' the air with his hooves.
    Brer Fox, Brer Bear, Brer Goose, and the rest has had enough.  They go home.
    Now, Brer Rabbit is fed up with all those cowardly animals.  "Let's go get the valuable black stuff!" he yells.
    So off he charges with Brer Lion and Brer Kangaroo at his heels.
    "I don't think you want to do that," says Brer Donkey.
    But off they charges into that black stuff, and as soon as they hits it, they sticks fast.  Brer Lion, he roars and writhes, but it don't do no good.  Brer Kangaroo, he pushes with them great, big hind legs, but it don't do no good.  Brer Rabbit, he spits and cusses, but it don't do no good.
    "What I been tryin' to tell y'all," says Brer Donkey, "is that's tar, baby.  In fact, it's a great, big tar pit."
    Ever since that day, that tar pit been known as the La Brea Tar Pit, after Brer Donkey's brayin', only they didn't know how to spell 'bray.'
    And these was Brer Rabbit's last words:  "See?  He did have a Mass Animal Trap!"