Supporting Our Tools

We, the people of Konstruxia, are an industrious, sober, and, above all, productive lot. We are masters of every trade. We are plumbers, carpenters, electricians, printers, tanners, bricklayers, weavers, glassblowers, shoemakers, coopers, and blacksmiths. You name a trade, we've mastered it. And there is nothing we love so much as our tools.

So it should come as no surprise that we call our chief executive officer the "Master Craftsman." Master Craftsman is an elected position, and we insist that the incumbent be a fully qualified craftsman of some trade. That is, we did insist. Until recently. The current Master Craftsmen isn't ... quite ... the genuine article. No one seems to know how he got elected, but there you have it. He does come from a fine, old trade family. His father and grandfather were masters of their crafts, but young F.U. never seemed able to find his niche. He flunked out of carpentry, plumbing, even basket weaving. I don't know what "F.U." is supposed to stand for, by the way. It isn't his real name, but no one seems to have the heart to refer to him by anything but letters.

It doesn't matter now, though, I suppose. He's the Master Craftsman, so that's that.

Except for the war. Some people -- you might call them "Strict Konstruxionists" -- have questioned the Master Craftsman's judgment ... Not me, of course. But some people.

It started when F.U. got on national television to warn us about the Tearists.

"These evil people mean to tear down everything you all have built!" he said earnestly. "They intend to come into our country! To invade our very homes! And tear them down!"

I can tell you, I was horrified. Everyone was horrified. What were we to do?

The Master Craftsmen had an answer.

"We must invade them first!" he cried.

My goodness! I thought. Our goodness! Who were "they," anyway?

He had an answer for that, too.

"The home country of the Tearists is ... Well, I can't remember it right now, but it's the one that has an abundance of building materials."

What an irony! That a country blessed with such plenty should be so destructive. Why did these, these ... Tearists have it in for us?

"They hate us for our ability to build and repair!" roared the Master Craftsman.

But what were we to do? We were not a warlike people.

"Take up your tools!" bellowed F.U. "Go forth into What's-Its-Name! Whack 'em on the heads with your hammers! Slice 'em up with your saws! Stick 'em with your screwdrivers! Twist their ears off with your pliers! Bite 'em with your snakes!"

Did I mention that he wasn't really very much of a tradesman? Be that as it may, we were scared out of our wits, and the war was on.

However, the questions began immediately.

What had What's-Its-Name actually done to us? Or said, or implied, they were going to do to us?

Was this merely a ploy to steal their building supplies? (I found this a particularly mean-spirited question.)

If Nation A is sitting around minding its own business, and Nation B comes roaring in, demolishing everything in its path, which would you say was more destructive or "tearist," to use the more voguish term?

In the Master Craftsman's defense, it must be said that he always gave the same even, measured response:

"Ah, ha! You don't support the tools! What kind of Konstruxionist are you?"

In all fairness, I must point out that the Anti-Tool Crowd made a few observations that might merit consideration, if a person didn't mind being a traitor.

"You know, tools are designed and manufactured for constructive purposes, not to beat people over the head with or rip their guts out. So, who doesn't support the tools? The one who uses them to build and repair things, or the one who perverts and tortures their purpose?"

That one's a favorite of the Anti-Tools.

"Tools require maintenance. From time to time, they have to be sharpened, oiled, repaired, and so on."

That was another. But F.U. always had a reasoned, appropriate answer:

"Ah, ha! You don't support the tools! What kind of Konstruxionist are you?"

I think that about sums it up. I know I support the tools.