"Your Highness, we ask you to consider the case of Samuel, son of Benjamin."
    "Hmm.  That's the convicted murderer, isn't it?"
    "Yes, Your Majesty, but there is evidence ..."
    "Rejected.  That's a local matter."
    "But Your Majesty, this man is innocent.  We have evidence.  The real murderer has confessed ..."
    King Solomon narrowed his eyes at the pesky attorney.  "Has the man been tried?"
    "Yes, Your Majesty."
    "And convicted?"
    "Yes, Your Majesty.  But he's innocent.  The evidence ..."
    "Oh, screw your evidence," said the king.  "Tried and convicted.  End of story.  Anyway, it's a local matter.  Not in my jurisdiction.  Bailiff, what's next?"
    "Um, two women both claiming the same baby.  The plaintiff, Rebecca, claims the defendant, Rachel, stole her child."
    "Well, this sounds like more local baloney.  Why are they bringing it to me?"
    "Rachel belongs to your tribe, Your Majesty.  Rebecca is from that other tribe," whispered the bailiff.
    "Ah, I see," said the king.  "You know, the name 'Rachel' sounds familiar.  Do I know her?"
    "Yes, Your Majesty.  She employs one of your wives and two of your sons in her sheep herding business."
    "Well, in that case, this is a matter of national importance," decided the king.  "Let's hear the case."
    Rachel, Rebecca, and their lawyers were accordingly brought before the king.
    "Your Highness," began Rebecca's lawyer, "this is a local matter, which has been decided by a local magistrate.  You have repeatedly refused to consider matters that were not of national importance."
    "I'll decide what issues of national importance are, thank you very much," retorted the king.  "Now, what are the facts of the case?"
    "My client gave birth to a male child, and while she was in recovery, the defendant and her relatives snuck in and stole the child," said the lawyer.  "Then they wrote up a document saying that the child was Rachel's."
    "Did not!" replied Rachel's lawyer.  "The child belongs to Rachel.  She has a legal document to prove it.  Not only that, but the child is in her possession.  That proves it!  They're trying to steal this child.  They went to a crooked magistrate to gain custody."
    "Oh, phooey," said the other lawyer.  "I just explained how she got the baby and where your bogus document came from.  Anyway, all the magistrate did was to order a DNA test.  That will prove who the real parent is.  If you really think that Rachel is the mother, all you have to do is wait for the test results.  These proceedings are pointless."
    "You can't trust those test things," objected Rachel's attorney.  "Different testers might read them different ways.  Possession and certification!  That's what matters.  We've repeated over and over again that Rachel is the mother, so it must be true."
    "Well, the first thing we have to do is stop that DNA test," ruled the king.
    "Stop the test, Your Majesty?"  Rebecca's lawyer's jaw dropped.  "I don't understand.  It's the obvious, simple, and authoritative way to settle this matter."
    "Yeah," said the king, "but what if it shows that Rebecca is the mother?  What then, huh?  That would undermine Rachel's claim to the child."
    "Um, exactly, Your Majesty.  That's the point."
    "The magistrate's ruling is invalid because it denies equal protection to all parties," said the king.
    "How so, Your Majesty?" asked Rebecca's lawyer.
    "The magistrate did not establish a uniform testing standard to ensure that the party I like wins.  Further, I find discrimination on the basis of DNA.  The party with the wrong DNA does not have equal protection."
    "Gee," said Rebecca's lawyer, "if you weren't the wise, impartial authority of last resort for the kingdom, I would say that was the dumbest, most biased thing I've ever heard.  So, where do we go from here, Your Highness?"
    King Solomon cleared his throat.  "I rule that the baby be cut in two, with one half given to each party."
    "Oh, no!  Don't do that!" shrieked Rebecca.  "She can have the child!"
    "Cool!" said the king.  "That settles it.  Rachel gets the kid.  My plan worked!  I knew that only the most aggressive, belligerent party would stay the course.  See?  You just have to give the process time to work."
    And thus it was that King Solomon's reputation for wisdom and fairness became legend among the people.