Snow White and the Forensics Controversy

"Deputation from the Innocent Step Child Project to see you, Your Highness."

The Wicked Queen sneered. "That wouldn't be those dwarfs again, would it?"

"The very same, Your Highness."

"Can't you find something to charge them with, Huntsman?" griped the Wicked Queen. "You know, 'creating a public nuisance' or 'insufficient stature' or something?"

"Um, yes, Your Majesty," Huntsman temporized. "But they're here about the, uh, Snow White case."

"So?" snapped the Queen. "The little bitch was obviously guilty of arrogant arrogation of 'Fairest of them all' rights. Duly tried, convicted, and executed."

"Ahem," mumbled Huntsman, looking a bit embarrassed. "It's just that, well, even some of the people in the palace are questioning the validity of the evidence. The Magic Mirror Method has been severely criticized by independent experts on fairness and statistics from all over. Magic Mirrors have been discredited by the latest technology in the field."

"Pah!" spat the Queen. "Horse hickies! That's the Anti-Wicked Stepparent lobby talking! Here, listen to this!"

She turned to a large, ornate mirror that was hanging on the wall behind her.

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?"

"Like I said before," replied the mirror, "that would be Snow White."

"Harrumph," said the Queen, barely missing a beat. "Even if it is Snow White, she was still a monster and deserved to die."

"How do you figure, Your Highness?" asked Huntsman, a bit tremulously. "She was charged with feloniously and erroneously claiming to be the fairest of them all. If she really is, or, er, was, doesn't the entire case collapse?"

"Excuse me a moment," said the Queen icily.

She took the mirror off the wall and walked into the next room. There was a muffled tinkling sound. Then the Queen returned, carrying a different mirror, which she duly hung in the place of the previous mirror.

"Ok, now, mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" asked the Queen.

"Oh, you, Your Majesty," burbled the new mirror. "No question about that! No question at all! And may I say, you have a lovely wall here? I love it! Splendid view! And very secure, right?"

The Queen smirked smugly. 'Thank you, mirror. And that should about wrap things up, Huntsman, don't you think?"

"You're the Highness, Your Highness," fawned Huntsman nervously.

"Except for one thing," added the Queen.

"Yes?" asked Huntsman, as innocently as he could.

"A word with you," said the Queen, "about why the White bitch is apparently still alive."