"The passage of this bill is essential to the survival of our kind. Any further delay, or indeed weakening of this legislation will surely accelerate and intensify the consequences of our folly. The President wants this. Our constituents - your constituents - are overwhelmingly in favor. They have given a majority to the party that pledged to carry this issue. My colleagues, I call on all of you to set aside partisan agendas, transcend the pay-to-play game, escape the snares of greed and self-interest, and place, for once, the interests of our species ahead of your well-heeled patrons."

Well, at least, there was more yawning than laughter.

"This bill ain't got nothin' to do with 'security,' " retorted the Minority Leader. "It's about takin' slop out of honest folks's troughs."

"It's a trough-robbin' bill, Littlepig!" hooted another Council Member from the rear of the chamber.

Littlepig sighed. "We have a serious Big Bad Wolf problem here. It is imperative that we take action immediately, and the Brick Houses Security Bill is our way forward."

"Lotta hooey!" cried a backbencher. "Ain't no such thing as Big Bad Wolves."

"One of them ate my brother, First Littlepig," replied Littlepig.

"Well, I don't think we can deny the presence of Big Bad Wolves anymore," said the Minority Leader.

"Thank you, Mr. Hambone," said Littlepig.

"That's pronounced Hambane," snorted Hambone. "Like I said, Big Bad Wolves there may be, but that's a natural phenomenon. Ain't no proof they're predations are related to porcine activity. Anyway, brick houses are too expensive. I'm all for security, but this ain't a security bill, it's a trough-robbin' bill."

"It was the straw house," said Littlepig. "The Wolf went right through it. If it had been a brick house, my brother would still be alive."

"Straw is very nice," said Hambone.

"That wouldn't be because the straw lobby contributed half a bezillion simoleons to your election campaign?" asked Littlepig.

"I find that very insulting," sniffed Hambone. "Some individuals who may or may not have been associated with the straw industry recognized my competence and integrity and supported my campaign. They especially recognized that I would never allow a trough-robbin' bill to get through the Sty."

"I suggest a compromise!"

"Yes, Mr. Second Littlepig?" said Hambone encouragingly.

"Let's go with wooden houses instead of brick," said S. Littlepig.

"That's still pretty trough-robbin'," said Hambone severely.

"And give a great big subsidy to the straw industry," added S. Littlepig.

Third Littlepig smacked his forehead with a frustrated trotter.

"Hmm, maybe," mused Hambone. "If you up that subsidy and cut the number of wooden houses."

"We've got a lot of bipartisan support for this proposal, Third," said S. Littlepig.

"Gentleswine," pleaded T. Littlepig, "you don't seem to understand. Wood will not stop the Big Bad Wolves. We know it won't. Half measures are no better than no measures. Only brick houses can provide us security. If we water it down, all we'll be left with is a ... a ... barrel of pork."

"It ain't about security," repeated Hambone. "It's about robbin' the troughs of honest swine, and not at all about reducing the profits of the straw bosses."

"Aw, come on!" urged S. Littlepig. "I'll take the first wooden house. It'll be great."