Second Constitution

Isaac Asimov fans will remember that there were two Foundations. The First Foundation began as a colony of academics, and its main function was to draw attention away from the Second Foundation, which was a nest of elite mentalists known as psychohistorians. The Second Foundation guided the development of the Second Galactic Empire, of which the First Foundation was to be the titular head. Secrecy was essential to the Second Foundation, and it was "hidden in plain sight," as it were, in the capital of the dying First Galactic Empire.

It now turns out that Asimov was not the first to have such an idea. He was preceded by the American Founding Fathers, who wrote not one, but two Constitutions. The First Constitution is the one that most Americans are familiar with: "We, the people of the United States," separation of powers, Bill of Rights, bla-de-bla-bla-bla. As with the Second Foundation, the Second Constitution was designed to guide its junior twin to world empire, and its keepers, like the mentalists of the Second Foundation, are a secret elite who are hidden in plain sight. Who are these secret champions of our nation? A key article of this Second Constitution, whose existence has just come to light, may help to explain this:

The Office of the Vice President. The Vice President's Office shall be outside the Executive Branch. It shall operate independently to ensure the success of the Enterprise by whatever means are necessary. [emphasis in original] The Vice President shall be accountable to no one except himself and God Almighty.

And so, the oft-maligned Office of the Vice President, long thought to be a "second banana" to the President, cleverly described as "Not worth a pitcher of warm piss," supposed graveyard of political careers, is, in fact, the mighty force governing the destinies of the United States of America and the entire world.

Note: This information was released by Dick Cheney's office. More articles of the Second Constitution may be made public as convenient.