copyright © 2004
by Robert L. Blau
The Shark stuck its Great White Snout out of
the water.
"Psst! Hey, guys! Over here!" it
beckoned. As well as it could with a Great White Snout.
The seals on the beach eyed the Shark
suspiciously. Bruno, an old bull, flippered around in the
direction of the Shark.
"Yeah, what?" he barked.
"You look a bit parched up there," said the Shark.
"Why don't you all come on in for a refreshing swim?"
"So you can eat us, huh?"
muttered the seals. "Yeah, right."
"No, wait a minute!" said the Shark quickly. "Would
I do that?"
All of the seals were nodding.
"No no no!" insisted the Shark. "I want to help you."
The seals looked unconvinced.
"Don't you just hate
those orcas?" asked the Shark.
That got their attention.
"What about
the orcas?" asked Bruno.
"Well, they just shoot right up on the beach and
grab you," said the Shark. "Don't you just hate that?"
"Well, ... sure," admitted the seals.
"You're just sitting ducks up there on the beach ...
"
"Beg pardon?"
barked the seals.
"... seals,"
corrected the Shark. "Sitting seals."
"That's better," said Bruno. "So, what are you
saying?"
"If you just come on down into the water," wheedled
the Shark, "we can protect
you. We sharks will throw up a protective perimeter and keep the
orcas away. But we can't do anything for you when you're up on
the beach."
"Oh, don't make me
throw up!" scoffed Hildegard, a female of the seal troop. "Sharks are
our natural enemies."
"I'm shocked!" countered the Shark. "That's species
war talk, that is. These are enlightened times! Pinnipeds
and Lamniformes are brothers and sisters these days. If I were
you, I'd keep an eye on that
one, I would."
The seals all looked disapprovingly at Hildegard.
"We wouldn't want to appear out of step with the
times," they mumbled.
"And protection from orcas does sound appealing," mused Bruno.
"Ok! As the alpha male of this troop, I say we accept the Shark's
offer. Let's go!"
And all the seals except Hildegard skittered down to
the shore.
"Alpha?" snorted Hildegard. "You'd be lucky to make
beta."
Bruno crawled painfully back up onto the beach.
"Any other survivors?" asked Hildegard.
"Not that I know of," he panted. "You know what
pissed me off most? There were just as many orcas as
before. So, instead of just running from orcas, we were running
from sharks and orcas.
I believed that Shark."
"Bruno," said Hildegard. "He's a shark. Where
in the wide, wide ocean did you get the idea that a shark would ever do anything to help a seal?"
Bill Gates proposes to save us from
spammers by putting a "stamp" on email. That is, by charging a
fee for each e-mail. Don't worry. It's only for spammers,
not for us salt-of-the-earth types. Right. Does anyone
really think think this won't turn into a one-way flow from our pockets
to the corporate coffers of Microsoft, Yahoo, and other Lords of
Lucre? Ya know, snail mail isn't free, but we still get tons of
hard copy spam. And who is it that gets the cheapest snail mail
rates?