Sacred Cow

"I forgive our brethren in the Loyal Opposition, of course. They are secular humanists and don't understand the deep reverence we Indians hold for cows. Religious Indians like me, that is."

"But Prime Minister, you are the one who is slaughtering cattle for sale to the meat markets of Europe and America."

There was a susurrus of support for this observation.

"It is clear," sighed the Prime Minister benignly, "that you do not revere the cattle. I am a lot holier than you are, not to mention more powerful. So it's my opinion that counts on these matters."

"Well, your lips may say, 'revere, revere,'" persisted the opposition speaker, "but your axe hand says, 'chop, chop.'"

More murmurs of support.

The PM shook his head sadly.

"It grieves me to hear such cow-hating talk," he said, "and even more to think that some honest, patriotic, cow-revering citizens might think there was something to it. Therefore, I have brought to this assemblage an expert witness -- the most expert witness, in fact -- to set the record straight. I introduce to you ... Bossy, the Sacred Cow."

The entire assemblage bowed their heads respectfully, as the cow lumbered up to the dais.

"So, Bossy," continued the PM affably, "can you tell us what it's like for the cow in the field?"

"Mmmm, sure," lowed Bossy. "And I have a lot of multicolored graphs here to support my assertions. I've got to say that it's tough out there for the cows. Not a lot of forage. The Prime Minister's relocation strategy is working, mmmm, beautifully. It's a winner! And all the cows, mmmm, love it. Thank you."

"Well, there you have it," smirked the PM. "That ought to shut you all up good and proper, eh? The cows love it, you see? I'm just repeating that, in case you didn't get it."

"You know," the intrepid opposition guy chimed in, "that's about the most repulsive, self-serving, hypocritical, transparent display I've ever witnessed. Having lied to us for some seven years, you now bring this cow before us to lie for you."

There was a collective gasp of horror.

"Ah-HA!" chortled the PM triumphantly. "Gotcha dis-revering the Sacred Cow!"

"Utter hogwash," replied the PM's suddenly isolated antagonist.

"Shame, shame!" intoned the multitude. "Dis-revering the Sacred Cow! Shame, shame, shame!"

"And politicizing the Sacred Cow!" added the PM in a loud stage whisper.

"And politicizing the Sacred Cow!" repeated the multitude, dutifully.

"Oh, come now!" scoffed the Sacred Cow Dis-Reverer. "Who was it who dragged the beast up here to puppet for him in the first place? Every one of you knows what a racket that con artist has going. And I understand his gang members covering for him. But the rest of you? What is the matter with you?"

"Oh, yeah," replied another opposition member. "We know the PM is a crook, a phony, and a liar. We know that he's slaughtering cattle and hypocritically accusing everyone who opposes him of not revering the cattle. But none of that matters. You dis-revered the Sacred Cow. You crossed a line!"

"Yes, I see," said the Sacred Cow Dis-Reverer. "I am on one side of the line, and the gutless are on the other."