Rocket Program

The explosion damn near blew my tail off. The ship's, too.

When I managed to land safely, after all, I was fortunate to locate the parties who had been responsible for the little firework that had almost taken me out. Now, when I say "fortunate," I'm not saying which kind of fortune. There were a couple of guys in white lab coats who looked like they knew what they were doing. Appearances can be deceiving.

"Hey, that was me up there," I pouted by way of introduction.

"Say what?" replied the first white coat, noticing me. "Up where?"

"Where your rocket exploded," I said. "Were you trying to shoot me down?"

"There was someone up there?" said the second white coat, a bit querulously. "Really? Fancy that."

"So what was the missile about?" I asked peevishly.

"Oh, oh, I see!" said the first white coat. "No, that wasn't a missile. Not in the sense of a deliberately exploding projectile. It was our latest failed rocket launch, I'm afraid. They aren't supposed to explode."

"But they do," added the second white coat. "Probably all the TNT on board."

"Ah, I see," I said, although I didn't quite. "So why don't you just launch without the TNT? But I suppose that will be your next step."

"Without the TNT?" gasped the first white coat. "Impossible! And furthermore, unacceptable!"

"Um, why?" I asked innocently.

"Because it's not the rocket's fault!" white coat 1 lectured me. "If the launch crew launched them properly, everything would be fine! You can't blame the tool!"

"Um, well," I sputtered slightly, "I suppose making the tool a little safer would be out of the question. But never mind. As long as you give me time to get the hell out of here. But how about the launch crew, then? Can't you handle it on that end?"

"Oh, sure," said the second white coat. "When I rocket blows up, we kill the whole launch crew, but until the rocket blows up, we can't do a thing! Actually, most of the launch crew are polite enough to commit suicide when they hear us coming."

"Then we have to get a new launch crew," said the first white coat.

"Using what standards?" I asked.

"Standards!?" screamed the first white coat. "We won't stand for no stinkin' standards! That's an unwarranted government intrusion on the rights of the people! The only way to deal with problems is to clean up the mess after they happen!"

"Ooo-kay," said I. "Can you just wait till I leave before shanghaiing your next launch crew?"