The Right Way

My friend seems to be a little upset about his death sentence. I have come to offer comfort and explain that he isn't getting anything he didn't ask for.

"What do you mean, I deserve it?" he wails. "What kind of support is that?"

"Well, you did murder a lot of people," I point out kindly.

"No more than you," he counters. "And you're getting cheers, applause, and international support!"

"All in a day's overthrowing of tyranny," I blush modestly. "What you don't seem to understand is that you have to slaughter people in the right way. Nerve gas is a big no-no."

"And what, according to you, is 'the right way?'" He seems a bit testy.

"Why, good, honest bullets, of course," I explain. "You can murder as many people as you want, as long as you stick to bullets."

"Oh, just that?" he replies, rather snidely, I think.

"That's why death by firing squad is so appropriate for you," I tell him. "Not only are they punishing you for inappropriate use of nerve gas, but they're also demonstrating the correct way to kill someone! Execution by gas chamber would be hypocritical."

"So, guns or nothing?" he snarks, still with the bad attitude that got him into this mess in the first place.

"Or bombs," I add. "Bombs are good. Just nothing with chemicals or bacteria."

"How about nukes, then?" he asks sarcastically.

"Nukes are ok," I reply, "as long as you're the Good Guy. We have a historical precedent."

But I have to run. More protesters to annihilate.