Revolt

So we were all just hanging around, discussing the situation. I should mention that, as long as anyone can remember, there have been two schools of thought on the subject, generally called "Liberal" and "Conservative," and I am of the so-called "Liberal" wing. But now, that appeared to be changing ...

"Pathetic," said Felix, who has long been one of the acknowledged leaders of the "Conservative" wing. "Radical, unsound, ineffective."

"What?" I asked.

"Whatever you're about to say," said Felix. "I'm just practicing, but I know it will apply."

"But you have to admit," I said, "that we are in dire straits. I am of the opinion that we needn't just sit and do nothing and wait for the end."

"See what I mean?" replied Felix. "Pathetic ... and all the rest of it. We haven't got the resources. Your thrashing around and making trouble can only make it worse. The tried and true ways are best."

"Well, I haven't seen any results from you, you fat little tit," piped a new voice.

Now, while Felix is, in fact, a tit, after a couple of days trussed up in spider spit, I think "fat" was probably a bit of a reach. Nevertheless, allies are where you find them. I turned hopefully to Oscar, the new voice, who was ... some species of sparrow, I think.

"Now is the time to make a break for it!" I cried enthusiastically. "That is one effin' big spider, and I know we're all a bit ... well, poisoned. But hey, all of us eat things like that for supper!"

"You can just shut your yap!" snapped Oscar. "This is all your fault! Mostly. Except for the part that's his. You're just bats!"

"Bat," I corrected. "Singular."

"You're problem," sneered Oscar, rounding on Felix as much possible, considering his well-trussed state, "is that you aren't doing it right! You've got to be completely still and quiet! Then she'll go away. You're right about doing nothing, but you have to do even more nothing!"

The term "bird-brained" didn't happen by accident.