Revelation Reloaded

I have this history of seeing things, see? And I know some people don't think that's normal, but I decided to start writing some of that stuff down.

So I went to see my friend Bubba with a sheaf of my prescient visions. Because I value his input.

"Hey, there, John!" Bubba greeted me with the tone of voice reserved for the very young, the very old, or the very crazy. "Got some more pretty pictures for me to look at?"

"Not exactly," I replied with dignity. "I bring prophesies that were vouchsafed to me by the Lord Himself!"

"Ri-i-ight," said Bubba, rather slowly, I thought. "Let's have a look-see, then."

And I laid before him the fruits of my labors ...

I saw the earth spread below me, as if I were floating at a great height. I saw the sick and injured in their pain and anguish. And the government came and offered them medicine and services, but the sick and injured turned away. "Nay," said they, "for it is wrong for the government to dabble in healthcare!" "But," said the government, "if you accept not our help, you will be at the mercy of predatory corporations, which you will not be able to afford!" "Yea," said the people, "but that is the right way. Better to be dead in a ditch than to flout the proper functioning of the universe!"

Then I saw how the people suffered from the violent actions of evil ones. "They hate us because of our freedoms!" they cried. "Therefore we must revoke all our freedoms!" This seemed a little odd, but what the heck.

And I saw a band of merciless robbers take from the people everything that they possessed, their houses, their money, and all manner of wealth, even the clothes from their bodies. And the people turned unto the robbers and said, "Please come and rule us, for we have gotten together a bit more wealth since you robbed us blind." At this, I had difficulty maintaining my role as dispassionate observer. "Hold on one cotton pickin' minute!" I cried. "These are the same robbers who just took everything you had. Why are you asking - nay, begging! - them to rule you?" "Ah, but it is obvious," answered the people. "Money matters are so complicated that we are not qualified to manage them. Only these rotten bastards are smart enough to do that. Therefore, we can trust no others."

Then I saw the people using the planet like a personal port-o-potty. They gorged on its resources and returned garbage. They pissed in the water and belched poison into the air. They destroyed the natural balance. Again, I was moved to speak. "Just what the heck do you think you're doing?" I asked. "This is where you live. You will have nothing to eat or drink or breathe. People call me crazy, and all I do is have visions!" And they answered unto me, "Aw, it's awright. Not as bad as it looks. It's somebody else's responsibility. Anyway, somebody'll think of something." "It isn't too late!" I cried. "You can still save the planet!" "Nah, everything's fine," they replied. "Anyway, it would be too hard."

"Well, what do you think, so far?" I asked Bubba. "I've got lots more!"

Bubba looked at me as if I were some strange species of fungus.

"John," he said carefully. "John, John, John. You can't publish this stuff. I know people are stupid, but they aren't that stupid. I'll tell you what. Chill out. Get some drugs. Have a lie-down. I'll bet your visions get a lot better."

So that's what I did, and you know what? Bubba was right! My new Revelation is a lot more popular and, more importantly, believable. Bubba thinks it has a great future.