Rare Blood Disorder

"What you've got to understand is that we deal with hardened miscreants on a daily basis. We have to be ... firm ... you see. We have established procedures for dealing with this sort of thing."

"And these established procedures are, basically, to beat the crap out of the people in your custody?"

"OB-jection, Yeronner! Sarcastic and judgmental!"

"Sustained," rumbled the judge. "Prosecution will leave the judging to me, thank you very much. And the jury, of course." A smile to the jury box.

"Sorry, Yeronner," continued the prosecutor. "A little. So, how did these established procedures get established?"

"Just following orders, sir," said the witness.

"Just following orders? The last refuge of a scoundrel, isn't that?"

"No, sir," replied the scoundrel. "That would be patriotism, sir. It's not our fault that he died, sir."

"Thank you. That will be all," sighed the prosecutor.

"The Defense calls the coroner!" bawled the defense counsel. "You're going to love this!"

The coroner was duly sworn in.

"Ok," began the defense counsel, "what was the cause of death?"

"The decedent had a rare blood disorder," replied the coroner.

"So ... not anything the guards did, eh?"

"Nothing the guards did," confirmed the coroner.

"A. Rare. Blood. Disorder," repeated the defense counsel, slowly and with emphasis. "Everybody got that?"

"Could you be a little more specific?" asked the prosecutor. "What kind of rare blood disorder?"

"Well, it appeared," said the coroner carefully, "when I examined the decedent, that is, that all of the decedent's blood was actually outside his body."

"Ah," nodded the judge sagely. "Rare, indeed. And definitely a disorder. I hereby charge this jury to go forth, consider the evidence of the case, and return a just verdict. I hardly need to tell you that the fact that the decedent was of a ... swarthier persuasion than any of you has absolutely no bearing on the case."

The judge winked. The jury retired to the jury room. The jury returned in five minutes.

"Have you reached a decision?" intoned the judge solemnly.

"Yes, Yeronner, we have," replied the jury foreman. "We, as good and faithful men of Rome, one and all, find the defendants ... not guilty! Hail, Caesar!"

"Thank you," said the judge. "You are dismissed. Defendants, you are free to go ... and I suggest you step lively there! Your next crucifixion is in 30 minutes!"

Several 'boot camp' guards were acquitted of manslaughter in the death of Martin Anderson, a 14 year old black youth who was in their custody. Martin became ill while running laps, and the guards assumed he was malingering and beat and manhandled him. The entire spectacle was captured on video, but the all-white jury accepted the defense assertion that the youth died of a rare blood disorder.