I'm not exactly sure when the world changed, but the first time I noticed was the day I had that computer trouble...

    I was trying to log on to my computer at work, and I kept getting this message.  It said, "Your password flibbit gleeb morshkwat.  If this problem persists, see your System Administrator."
    Ok, I thought, I'll see my System Administrator, whatever that was.
    "Bud," I said, "you know your way around computers pretty well.  Who or what is our System Administrator?"
    "Oh, that" said Bud in a voice that gave me little confidence.  "Legend has it that were such creatures in the days before the coming of the Phone Menus and the 10,000 Web Sites."
    "So, what do I do when it says, 'See System Administrator?'"
    "Go to the web page," said Bud.
    "I can't even get on my computer!" I protested.
    "Then call the Help Desk," he said.
    Well, I guessed I could do that.  I dialed.  First, there was some boring music.  Then, Mr. Microchip broke in with his mechanically modulated voice.
    "Hello.  Thank you for calling the Help Desk.  Our menu has changed.  Please pay close attention to all the options before making a choice.  If you have a problem with a password, press 1.  If you have an application problem, press 2.  If you have a hardware problem, press 3.  If you don't understand any of this, press 4."
    Where, I wondered, was the option that said "If you want to speak to an operator, press such and such" or "wait for operator?"  I pressed 4.  This was the response:
    "Hello.  Thank you for calling the Help Desk.  Our menu has changed ..."
    Well, I remembered something about a password, so I pressed 1 this time.
    "Go to our web site and submit a trouble ticket," said Mr. Microchip.  "Most trouble tickets are resolved within 24 hours."
    "I can't get on the computer!" I screamed.
    "Aw, heck," said Mr. Microchip.  "Here's the short form.  We don't have to say, 'Your call is very important to us' anymore.  It never was, but now we've fixed it so we'll never have to talk to you again.  So, just press any number you like, and I'll tell you to go look on the web or find someone else to listen to your whining."

    Ok ok ok.  Obviously, this wasn't going to work, so I asked Bud if I could use his computer to enter a trouble ticket.  It didn't take long to find the trouble ticket web site.  Let's see.  All the name, rank, and serial number stuff wasn't too bad.  Then came Problem Type, Subtype, Category, Classification, Species, and DNA Group.  Each had a handy drop-down menu with 14 to 36 choices.  I struggled with that for quite some time, but at last, I had all the required fields filled in. I transmitted.  This is the message I got:  "No authorized plingnap for your klodflorp.  See your System Administrator."

    It was a relief to get off work that day, but there was no rest for the weary.  On my way home, I witnessed a bank robbery in progress.  Fortunately, I knew what to do for that.  I whipped out my cell phone and dialed 911.
    "Hello," said a familiar voice.  "Thank you for calling 911.  Our menu has changed.  Please pay close attention to all the options before making a choice.  If this is a fire emergency, press 1.  If this is a police emergency, press 2.  If you require an ambulance, press 3..."
    At least, this was a pretty clear-cut situation.  I pressed 2.
    "If this is a homicide, press 1.  If this is a sexual assault, press 2.  If this is a robbery, press 3.  If this is..."
    I pressed 3.
    "If the dollar amount of the robbery is greater than $1 million, press 1.  If the dollar amount is between $100,000 and $1 million, press 2.  If the dollar amount is between $10,000 and $100,000, press 3.  If the dollar amount is between $1,000 and $10,000, press 4.  If the dollar amount is less than $1,000, press 5.  If you don't know the dollar amount, press 6."
    I pressed 6.
    "Hello.  Thank you for calling 911.  Our menu has changed..."
    I punched my way back to the robbery section and pressed 3.
    "You're just guessing now, aren't you?" said Mr. Microchip.  "Go to the Police Department Crime Management site and enter a trouble ticket.  Most trouble tickets are resolved within 24 hours."
    Well, I didn't have a computer handy, but luck was with me.  At just that point, I looked up and saw a real, live police officer walking in my direction.
    "Officer, officer!" I cried, waving my arms to get his attention.  "The bank!  The bank!"
    The officer showed no agitation or urgency, but continued to walk in my direction.  He stopped no more than five paces from me and said,
    "If this is a homicide, say 1.  If this is a sexual assault, say 2.  If this is a robbery, say 3 ..."