"It's time for everyone's favorite game, 'You Can't Win!'  And now for our first contestant!  Pandora, come on down!"
    "Oo!  Oo!  I'm so excited!"
    "Now, Pandora, you can have the contents of that box, if you choose.  But I'm prepared to offer you ... right here, right now! ... This lovely pager, instead!  It will wake you up every hour of the night and won't let you string two complete thoughts together during the day!"
    "Oh, dear!" Pandora hesitated. "What shall I do?"
    "This pager has 37 different functions!" crooned the Quizmaster.
    "The box!  The box!  The box!" screamed some of the crowd.
    "And a can opener!" added the Quizmaster.
    "The pager!  The pager!  The pager!" shouted others.
    "Hmm," mused Pandora. "The pager is sure tempting.  It would keep me on my toes and everything ...  But I have to go with the box."
    "The box, huh?" said the Quizmaster. "Ok, but before you make a final decision, I am offering you ... a 30-year mortgage!  That's the pager and a 30-year-mortgage!"
    "Gee, I don't know ...  Does a house come with that?"
    "The box!  The box!  The box!"
    "The mortgage!  The mortgage!  It's the responsible thing to do!"
    Pandora hesitated for a moment, then shook her head.  "No, I want the box!"
    "So, it's the box, is it?" oozed the Quizmaster. "But wait just a minute!  How about major depression?  That's the pager, the mortgage, and the major depression!"
    "The box!"  "The depression!"  "The box!"  "The depression!"  "The box!"  "The depression!"
    "Gee!  This is really hard.  Let's see.  The pager could keep me up nights so I would have more time to worry about the mortgage and get depressed.  Weigh that against the unknown quantity in the box ..."
    "If it will help you decide," interjected the Quizmaster, "I'll throw in high cholesterol!"
    "Wow, that is attractive!" admitted Pandora.
    "The box!"  "The depression!"  "The box!"  "The depression!"  "The box!"  "The depression!"
    Pandora thought for another minute.  Then she reached for the box.