"Good morning.  This is Johnny Frost with your KFRU weather.  Ok for you!  The siege of freezing weather continues, with no end in sight.  Today makes 27 straight days below freezing.  Sleet and snow have made the roads extremely hazardous and downed several power lines.  For a report on highway conditions, we switch to Mary Miles out on the interstate.  Mary?"
    "Thank you, Johnny.  Here I am standing in the middle of I-35 while gigantic tractor-trailers make snow angels around me.  You might wonder what kind of idiot plays tag with suicide like this, but that's what we TV news types do.  Our viewers expect it.  Or at least, we think they do.  And why am I hatless and coatless in 14 degrees?  Well, we can't look dumpy and keep the ol' ratings up.  But you might be wondering about the traffic conditions.  There must be an inch of ice on the highways.  Definitely no time to go out if you can help it.  I think I'll just go into a hypothermic coma now.  Ok for you!  Back to you, Johnny."
    "Thanks, Mary.  I hope the EMS guys can get to you.  Now, for a report on the power outages, let's go to Harry Piffle at the City Electric Utility.  Harry?"
    "Thanks, Johnny.  Joe here is one of the city's linemen.  You may notice that I, too, am standing out in the elements with no protection.  There's no reason in the world why this interview couldn't take place indoors, but we have to show how tough and committed we are.  So, Joe, how many households are without electricity, and how long will it take you to restore power?"
    "I'd say it's about 5,000 households, Harry.  With the roads the way they are, it could be days before we restore power.  Why don't you put on at least a shirt, for Pete's sake?"
    "There you have it, Johnny.  Ok for you!  Back to you."
    "Well, it certainly looks grim, folks.  But wait!  Here's a late-breaking story from our legal department.  Let's cut to Jessica Mudge for that story."
    "Thanks, Johnny.  This is Jessica Mudge outside the District Court building.  In response to a suit by the city, the court has just ruled that the temperature at which water freezes must be lowered to 10 degrees Fahrenheit.  Looks like the long freezing spell has been broken!  Back to you, Johnny!"
    "Ok for you!  That's great news, Jessica!  Now, that the streets aren't iced over anymore, life can return to normal, and ... yes, Jessica?"
    "One more thing, Johnny.  In a related development, the official lethal doses for arsenic and cyanide have been raised by court order, so some of you should be welcoming formerly deceased loved ones back home!"

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit, ruling on a suit by the American Trucking Association and others, found that EPA's issuance of standards constituted "an unconstitutional delegation of legislative power."  So, if we can't meet clean air standards, we can always go to court and redefine "clean."