OS Malfunctions

When a colleague is in distress, it is my duty to offer whatever services may be at my disposal, regardless of any differences we may have in culture, location, technology, or what have you. That is my belief, and hence this tete-a-tete. Here, let me put it in terms that you will understand: you have an operating system issue.

We used to have the same issue, in my day. Then as now, Windows was the standard. We relied on it without question ... until issues began to arise. It turned out, Windows had holes big enough drive an oxcart through, and unfortunately, my very own security people were climbing through regularly, and with alacrity.

Long story short, they began to light up the bulletin boards all over the empire. There were several variations, but this can pretty much stand for all:

"Harem Security Guard Boinks Imperial Concubine."

It was so embarrassing. Of course, I had to execute the lot of them. To teach them a lesson, you understand. And it wasn't just the embarrassment. Some of those guys doubled as Imperial Advisors, and they were pretty good at their jobs, concubine-boinking aside.

But I had the solution! I immediately converted to Eunuchs. Let me assure you, those guys don't even think about climbing through windows. Haven't had a single problem since the conversion. And I suggest you do the same thing, Mr. President, if you ever intend to get that randy Congress of yours under control.