She occupied my office like a flock of radical 1960s students.  She had the face of a Greek goddess and legs that went right up to her shoulders.  Now, that was creepy.  But I digress.
    "Mr. Club?" she asked.  Yeah, yeah.  I know is sounds silly, but all the good suits had already been taken.
    "Yeah, I'm Sam Club," I said.  "Who wants to know?"
    "I'm Mary Mary," she said in a sultry voice.
    "So, why me?" I asked.  I'm supposed to find out if clients found me in the Yellow Pages, the newspaper, word of mouth, or whatnot.  It's procedure.
    "I tried the others," she said.  "They're too expensive.  Everyone said Sam Club was the cheapest."
    Great.  Now I'm the Discount Dick.
    "Ok, ok," I said.  "So, what can I do for you?"
    "I'm looking for a man about a debt," she said.
    "Someone owes you some money, eh?"
    "Quite contrary," said Mary Mary.  "I'm the one who owes."
    "Well, that's a change, Toots.  Tell me more."
    "This guy's name is Donald, and he used to be a farmer," said Mary Mary.  "I borrowed some money from him once.  Now, I want to pay him back, but he's disappeared."
    "That's not much to go on," I said.  "I hope you have something more."
    "There is one more thing," she offered.  "He's a descendant of the Olmec people of Mexico."
    "Hmm," I pondered.  "I'll see what I can do.  Let's see.  Here's an Aztec named Herman who used to own a bakery..."
    "No," said Mary Mary.
    "How about a Toltec named Phil who used to have a bank?"
    "No!" snapped Mary Mary.  "Olmec Donald had a farm.  He I, he I owe!"
    "Ok," I said.  "I'll find him."

    It didn't take me long to track down the Olmec guy.  He was in Hawaii.  I gave Mary Mary a call.  I told her that Olmec Donald was at a May Day celebration.  An hour later, she called me back.
    "Did you find him?" I asked.
    "Afraid not," she responded.  "Everyone was out in their most colorful clothing.  Muu-muu here, muu-muu there.  Here a muu, there a muu.  Everywhere a muu-muu.  But no Olmec Donald."
    "Too bad," I said.  "I'll get right back on it."
    I had another clue on the guy.  It seems he was a fancier of Hawaiian geese, or nenes.  There was a big Hawaiian goose show, and my sources told me that Donald was there.  I informed my client.  Before long, the telephone rang again.
    "Well?" I asked hopefully.
    "No luck," she replied ruefully.  "All I found was a lot of birds.  Nene here, nene there.  Here a ne, there a ne.  Everywhere a nene.  But no Olmec Donald."
    "Well, shucks!" I said.  "But this isn't over yet."
    I discovered that Donald was a notorious over-eater, and that he was making the rounds of the luaus, so I clued Mary Mary in on that.  A short time later, she was back on the line.
    "How did it go this time?" I asked.
    "Not well," she said.  "I hit all the luaus.  Gobble gobble here, gobble gobble there.  Here a gobble, there a gobble.  Everywhere a gobble gobble.  But no Olmec Donald."

    There was something bothering me about this case.  I did some research and invited Mary Mary back to my office.
    "What have you got?" she asked me as she settled into a chair across the desk from me.
    "I did some digging, Mary Mary," I said.  "Or should I say, 'Little Miss?'"
    "What do you mean?" she asked blankly.
    "Playing dumb, eh?" I retorted.  "The first thing that tipped me off was that 'Olmec' stuff.  The Olmecs died out hundreds of years ago.  Donald couldn't be an Olmec.  'Donald, Donald,' I thought.  I knew I had heard that name.  Then it came to me.  Donald is a Kurd, not an Olmec."
    "I don't know what you're talking about," she said, but she had gone a shade paler.
    "Don't you?" I probed.  "Donald was the biggest whey dealer in the Southwest.  That farm was a whey farm!  I remembered his motto:  'My whey or the highway!'"
    "You're making all this up," she said.  Her voice was starting to quaver.
    "Am I, Little Miss Muffet?" I barked.
    "I'm Mary Mary!" she insisted.
    "Oh, trying to tough it out, are you?  Well, I happen to know that you have a nasty whey habit.  And I found out that, after much bickering, you made a deal with Donald to deliver you some whey.  But then, he doubled the price on you at the last minute!"
    "It was way more than I bargained for," she said softly.
    "So, then," I continued, "you decided to steal back what you thought was rightfully yours, didn't you?  So, you crept into Donald's farm and began eating his whey.  But you didn't know that Donald had a spider security guard.  And while you were eating the Kurd's whey, along came the spider and sat down beside you."
    "Eeeuuuuw!" cringed Little Miss Muffet.  "I hate spiders!"
    "That was when you decided to hunt Donald down and stuff him full of spiders in revenge!"
    "Yes!  Yes!" she cried.  "And I'm not sorry!"

    Another case solved for Sam Club.  Little Miss Muffet was arraigned on charges of whey larceny and stalking with the intent to commit grievous bodily harm.  After entering a plea of "No way," she was convicted and sent away for 10 years.  Which made her very happy.